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The news of chef celebrity Anthony Bourdain is already blowing up the Internet. May he rest in peace. His death in conjunction with Kate Spade's gave me the following selfish thoughts:
If I ever achieve everything I've ever wanted, will I still be this unhappy? What if I succumb to the same fate?
Depression is so insidious that it can cause you to feel like nothing when you have everything you've ever wanted. Suicide is not just about depression, it's about feeling stuck and hopeless in your situation that leads the brain to believe there is no other way out.
Very few details have been released about Bourdain's death, but Spade's sister, Reta Saffo, reflected on the stigma that held Kate back from attending a treatment center.
Saffo said her sister had been concerned that any inpatient treatment would harm the Kate Spade brand. “She was definitely worried about what people would say if they found out."
In these few days I've reflected on my own mortality and the things that keep me unhappy. I thought that I could quietly face my depression and the way it manifests, only sharing it to a handful of close people with the belief that one day I'd be strong enough to overcome it. I must talk about it. If I don't, it will kill me.
At times like this people tend to share the Suicide Prevention Hotline phone number, which I will do.
In the US, call 1-800-273-8255 or visit https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
But I want to leave you with a little bit more.
Please, please, please find people with whom to share you deepest pains and talk more openly about things that are troubling you.
I have a mental illness and if you do, I suggest admitting it when safe to do so and don't feel ashamed of it.
Read this for more ways to beat stigma against mental illness.
Remember that you are necessary. Stay well my friends.