I’ve been chatting with people regarding mental health over the last two years, good people.
One in particular has a combination of various issues.
While doing some research for them I’ve found some odd and sad insights in to how the people around them handle those issues.
I try to take a scientific approach when I analyze the information.
In one particular situation I felt compelled to contact this persons family, I won’t. But to be honest, that family was annoying me to no end.
To summarize if I can.
I picture this person as drowning, and with each outside factor affecting them the more they struggle to keep their head above the swell. Till eventually they are below the surface and find it easier to breath in the water then keep fighting for oxygen.
Some people, their family, point out well you should have learned how to swim.
Instead there should be a life raft with a rope reaching down to help them, and once they are on the raft and caught their breath ask “so whatcha doing out here in the middle of the ocean.”
Even my dear mother has heard what’s going on and wonders why no one has offered to find out why this is happening.
In science, you follow the scientific method.
What they see is what they would call the problem, and demand that they fix that problem and once that problem is fixed everything will return to “normal”.
But what they are really seeing is a symptom.
The underlining issue is what triggers a symptom and until that issue is resolved the symptoms or symptoms will continue and continue.
The cough may have sent you to the doctor, but it’s the cancer that’s causing the cough. (That’s a stretch in comparison, but..)
In one case we’ve observed there was a continued occurrence of one of the parents seeing the symptom as the only issue, but when discussed with them that it isn’t and this “——“ is could be the cause...the parent, in this case the mother, took it as a slight to her parenting.
When I relayed this to my own Mother and asked her why she thinks a Mother would not take that into account regarding their child, my Mom looked at me and without missing a beat “some people shouldn’t be parents.”
So why? I don’t know that answer myself.
I believe it’s akin to the anti-vaxxer movement, where is easier to blame another thing for cause.
Sidebar: the amount of money people spend lobbying against vaccine could have gone to study autism and perhaps prevent further cases. Oh well that’s for another day.
Back to the point, in this case one of the parents accepted their role in their children’s upbringing and acknowledged that their parenting may have been a mitigating factor in how their child is now as an adult.
They worked to foster and repair, and as a result this person had a stronger relationship now with their father, one that had become one of trust and security.
But the Mother, sees the symptom and blames that only.
No one is saying that it is just the fault of the upbringing and that created trauma the adult now is trying to escape, BUT if the mother/parent was open to discussing or investigating what may have occurred in their child’s childhood then that could assist the person heal.
It’s not a blame game by any account, it’s not solely the fault of one or more people, it should be about growing to understand the other person better and recognize the underlying cause. This will allow the person struggling to be heard, understood, and feel safe.
I’m not an expert mind you, I can only hypothesize based on reading and discussing with other in the group.