Hi gang,
I want to thank everyone one of you for the warm welcome I've received since joining this community. It's such an amazing place where people are encouraging each other and filling this place with positive comments and support. Unlike the other social networking sites where there is such a large online population that it's hard to control content, Steemit provides a safer and less hateful atmosphere.
I am in the process of saving up money for college as I have to pay for my tuition, rent and living expenses , Steemit provides that extra money for me to spend on myself and save. Working a job that I hate which doesn't give me much and I lose on travel and other expenses , in the time of 3 months alone I changed 3 jobs, my recent one I lasted 6 days because of bullying and stress from the management.
From my recent posts I feel like there is this illusion of me having a perfect life where being "attractive" helps me receive a following and makes my life easier. I feel like a lot of the things I post are fake , as modelling is just a fake persona and my photography work is all retouched, encouraging this artificial world even more where myself and the models who's photos I post are "perfect". The reality is completely different, I am not a happy person , I don't have the fancy life self-proclaimed "models" have. I had a few paid gigs both in photography and modelling but that's about it.
I am mentally distressed and depressed, constantly hiding my real emotions as I am too ashamed to show them. I've harmed myself, I've gotten help, I was on medication and I am in a much better place now than I was at the start of the year. It's an ongoing battle and it feels even worse when there's this constant paranoia that no body will care enough about what you're going through. It's been like that for many years and growing up with hate constantly around you in your family , school etc. completely changes your perspective of the world from a young age.
I won't get into my personal details as there are some things that should not be shared with the general public but for those of you who will understand, I felt like shit for many , many years. Unable to feel happy , unable to see the "positives" in life.
Why am I talking about this online? Because I want to be a real person and not someone just behind a screen showing how "great" my life is. I want to be open about who I am and what I am.
I am a pretty quiet person, I don't go partying a lot and I like to keep to myself. I love playing video games and reading books. I'd rather have a cup of tea than go out on a weekend. I absolutely love the Harry Potter books and fascinated with how J.K. Rowling turned her life around when she was at her weakest. How strong she is to talk about her darkest past.
I'm a very honest person and I don't associate myself with people that are fake. I've disconnected myself from so many people that I used to call my friends because I am in a place of transitioning where I find out who I really am and what I want in life.
When you or your loved one are suffering from severe depression it's usually not the best choice to block off from the world. I had a lot of help on the way from some amazing people I met in my life. They guided me through, gave me advice and dropped the things they were doing when I was asking for help. You should never block people like that from your life.
It's a journey that you take alone however it's also a journey that you take along others.
As I mentioned, I'm in a much better place now than I was and it's all thanks to the amazing people I call my friends. I want to be real and honest about feelings, there are so many artificial things in our world that honesty is so rare.
Don't be the person that hides behind a smile while suffering on the inside until it's too late. Be brave. Be strong. Be YOU.
Thank you so much for reading this passage. I know its heavy but it's something I wanted to share. Please do comment as I will reply to all your comments whenever I can. Whatever it is you're going through just remember that you're not alone and there are people who will help. Kindness does exist _