As I walked along Yonge st., right beside Dundas Square (in downtown Toronto), my best friend spotted a guy filming a women who was clearly struggling with some mental health issues. Her appearance was disheveled and she was wearing some type of bright pink outfit that was dirty and did not fit or stay on her body properly. She was wandering haphazardly up, down and around the busy street, in the middle of the road. She was shouting incoherently, causing quite a scene, confusing driving conditions, and drawing plenty of attention.
At the side of the road, stood this average, nondescript man blatantly filming this woman — no embarrassment, no secrecy, no shame. He was standing with his arm extended in the very clear and obvious act of filming this woman for a prolonged duration of time.
We were outraged and stopped walking to stare at this man and discuss our bafflement that this could be occurring. He did not even notice us as he was so engaged in catching this woman in her moments of clear distress. We stopped, we stared, and we loudly discussed for at least 3–5 full minutes before submitting to reality and continuing to walk to my car. As we were leaving, a different man caught my eye and saw my disbelief. Mistakenly concluded that my face was for the woman, he made some sort of comment on her behaviour that I did not quite catch.
Perhaps my response was because it was dark and late at night in an area of the city that I am generally more alter for my safety. Perhaps it was because I am a woman and have to be more fearful for my safety. But most likely, it was due to my conditioned response to mind my own business, not express my thoughts, and not interfere in situations that do not “concern” me.
But it did concern me! I was concerned for this woman, I was concerned for society, and I was even concerned for this man. I know it also concerned my best friend, both because of her deep empathy for others and because of her very personal experiences of seeing someone she loves in a state of easily identifiable mental health distress and other people’s negative responses to that.
Nonetheless, I eventually walked away and did nothing to impact the outcome of this event and neither did she. Instead, we walked the rest of the way to the car, discussing our outrage at ignorance and injustice. We were only interrupted by our thoughts and discussions when we passed by and re-interacted with the homeless man that we had had a positive interaction with earlier that evening.
When I was driving home later by myself, I could not stop thinking about this event. What could I have done differently? Why didn’t I? What does this say about the society we have become? What can I do now? And what can I do next time?
So here I am!
The first thing I have to do is remind people to have empathy and work on their ignorance. We all have it and we all can continue to grow and learn about other people with different lives than our own. The object of this man’s entertainment was a person! She was a human with dignity, value and worth. She mattered! She was struggling and definitely going through some anguish beyond what I can imagine or comprehend because I have never been in that place. She was not entertainment! Her struggles were not something to gawk at, let alone be documented and shared to others. Her struggle was already public enough. She needed empathy, love, care and understanding. She is a person and she matters.
I would like to be able to confidently say that in the future, I would definitely approach and help this woman, but I do not know if that is particularly the case. It would likely depend on the person’s level of stability and unpredictability along with what that may mean for my safety. I think I will encourage myself to at least try to check in and gauge if there is anyway that I can directly help the individual.
But what I should have done and WILL do in the future is approach and film the man filming. Firstly, I would film him so he can viscerally understand how that feels. Then I will approach him to talk about the impact of his actions and encourage him to question himself. But I would not share this video or post it anywhere, it is more for the intent to make a statement to him and to whoever may be watching.
My partner encourages me by both words and actions to speak up and not stay quiet; this event has truly shown me why this is necessary. The feeling I felt for the remainder of the evening is due to my inaction. I doubt I would regret action as much as my inaction. So as he has done for me, I encourage you to also not stand idly by and speak your truth. Ignore that loud voice in your head that tells you to be quiet and instead listen to the smaller, less certain voice that tells you that you can make a difference. Over time, I am certain that both you and I can strength that voice and quiet the voice of doubt.
I think it is also important to examine what this event says about the current state of privacy in our world. We have moved into a world where nothing we do is free from prying eyes and accept constant violations of our personal privacy. Our cell phones collect vasts amounts of our personal data — where we are, what we like, who we are connected to, where we have visited and so on. Combine this with our computers, the internet and social media which are also collecting a vast amount of data. There currently exists a whole database and catalog of intimate details on each and every one of us.
Perhaps this does not concern you for some reason, but it should, particularly because of how it is being used.
It is being used by governments to categorize, manipulate and track you. It is also being used by internet companies as payment for your use of their services. For example, you use Google, it collects data on you, which is packaged and sold to advertisers, who attempt to manipulate you based on this very specific and targeted data. So in essence, you are actively allowing yourself to give up your data and privacy and to be manipulated, in order to use the internet-based services of your choice — by every app, search engine, website, social media platform, and so on. This has become so commonplace that we do not even think about it anymore and that is how it continues to be accepted. This is what they are banking on because this is how they make their money. But see it! It’s right there, happening all the time, and you are participating in it. See it, question it and challenge it. (There are many ways to resist it as well, but that is a post for another time).
We have become a culture that is also perpetuating this and taking it on as our own. We are regularly participating in this invasion of privacy, using the very devices that are invading our own privacy. The man filming this woman on his cellphone did not seem to be the least bit embarrassed and no one seemed outraged. It was almost normal to invade this individual’s personal struggles and most likely then share it with others. I think it is important that we question this act. Not just how we film each other but the videos we like, watch, and respond to that are posted on the web. These are often filmed and shared without permission from the individuals they depict and capture. There is no backstory, there is no explanation, there are no true insights…just judgments, biases, and assumptions.
A person’s privacy was violated last night and will likely continue to be violated as that video is shared. A person in need of help and support, in need of love, acceptance, and empathy. A person who did not consent to this violation and who did not deserve this treatment. And we did nothing. Not again. Not on my watch. I will do better and we need to do better. We need to question the social structures that we are blindly duplicating in our personal lives and the unspoken rules that we are blindly abiding by and then forcing upon others. We do not have to stand silent. We do not have to be complicit. And we do not have to accept these violations of our being and privacy.