The greatest problem faced in relationships is communication, and a majority of problems arise because of a lack of it. Couples are clueless as to how to go about it. Even before they attempt to initiate dialogue they are convinced nothing will come of it and that it’s going to be futile. When you begin with a negative outlook how can an outcome be positive? The most important aspect of communication in not what you say but how you say it. Also, you must learn to speak in their language. For example, if your partner is a practical, seemingly unemotional person, come to them devoid of drama and histrionics and calmly initiate a process of logical solutions to the issue. If on the other hand, your partner is a highly emotional and sensitive person, make them feel safe and comfortable and talk them with feeling and express love at every point. If they are soft spoken, speak to them softly. The objective of communication is never to put your point across. It’s to understand theirs and work with that as a base and find a positive outcome that works for both. For example, a wife feels her husband is unromantic and hence doesn’t love her and pushes herself into a self pity zone. The husband on the other hand feels he deals with a terrible boss, long working hours, a job he’s not happy with only so that he can bring home money to make his wife happy. To him that’s his expression of sacrifice and love, but to her it’s simply his duty to do so. He feels if she really loved him she would stop nagging him every day and instead give him a relaxing back massage to ache his tired bones. What they must do is first express what love means to each of them and then reach a conclusion on ways for them to feel loved by the other, in their language.
- I am a 28-year-old guy and love my best friend. We are gay. My parents have a huge problem with our relationship and constantly talk about ending relationship with me. What should I do?
On a legal level, in 2017, the Supreme Court ruled that a person’s sexual orientation is a privacy issue. However, you need to wait till July this year for the hearing on section 377’s validity. On a personal level, you have to accept their discomfort and rejection with as much respect as you expect them to accept your situation. Everyone is entitled to their likes, dislikes, perspectives and choices. You are entitled to your choices, but not entitled to make others accept it. Try not pushing it in their face to prove a point. Be gentle, sensitive, low key and give them time and space to slowly settle into it.
- I am in class 10th and I like a guy who is two years older to me. He tells me that he loves me a lot and cares about me too. We’ve been physical once but I am not sure whether it is okay to be in a relationship at this point of time in my life. Though I am good in studies and know what is right and wrong, I am confused about him. Please help.
Your hormones will go crazy at this age, and you will be continuously confused because all feelings are so overwhelming at this stage of your life. The greatest regrets youngsters have is about getting physical when unsure. So wait. There’s no hurry to have sex, and you can have a relationship without sex being a part of it. Focus on whether the person is the right one, not because he loves you, but because he empowers your journey in every way. This also means motivating you academically as these are the most important years that shape your future.
- I am a 24-year-old guy. I was in a relationship with a girl for three years. But she recently broke up with me because I was jobless and was doping around that time. But I tried explaining to her that I really love her a lot and would change myself for the better. But she refuses to listen to me. What should I do?
We live and we learn. It’s wonderful that you’ve realised and accepted your issues that led to the break up and that you are open to positive change. However, actions speak louder than words, so don’t just say you’d like to change, go out there, get a super job, let all your common friends talk about how you’ve cleaned up your drug habit and if she loves you there will be no reason for her not to want you back with open arms.