In the eve she was facing the sun, analyzing her whole life till now. From her childhood to this present age. From starting she wanted to fly,wanted to fall,wanted to overcome all the hurdles,never wanted to stop,
but how she came into this prison where some people were holding her wings. She had no problem with her life when she was able to fight, she was open to the problems. But her life was no more resembled with her past days now, where the problems were her best friend and she fought with them with full grace. Her mother get expired when she was 7. Her father brought up her and her sister alone. They belonged to a joint family so her father never found it difficult to perform the responsibilities of a single parent, but it was difficult as the pain is pain it can diminish but can't vanish. Her mother's death failed to break her soul. She fought with everything,there was challenges also, but the truth is what was her life before it was with her family but now she is alone, couldn't utter a single word in her favor as her mouth is sealed with an invisible thread from which she can't dis burdened.
From starting she was too close to her father. She had a dream to be a support for her father in their old age by being independent. Her family was also facing some financial problems. Her father was always heard harsh words from all their relatives to loose his wife and for being careless about their children upbringing. But who could tell them that a person without his partner is not more than a dead man. That's why LOVE was on the highest priority for her.
for graduation, her father sent her to one of their relatives as he couldn't afford high expenses of the college hostel with fees. But her dreams were needed to be fulfilled that's why she get agree on his decision. And this took a turn in her life that girl who always smiled, sang, danced changed into a silent toy which only rang when someone pushed the button. Each and everyday she get tortured by them. It's became a routine of her life to hear the rough words about her and her family, specially about her father from them, like college lectures. There she was worked like a slave and for this she got food, a place to live and some other facilities also. But actually a simple life is better than a lavished cum hell life.
A voice called "INAAYAT". She stood up, as she was not allowed to sit like that,free and calm. There,everything had constraints in them. Next day she went for college. This was the day of Holi celebration in college, time for Holi vacations. Everyone was playing Holi,celebrating fun, and she was standing in the corner. Suddenly her eyes caught someone..that was a boy, very fair, good looking, seeming soft hearten by face. It looked like he was laughing at her as she was not playing Holi ,standing so dull in the corner. She ignored him, as she didn't like anyone to look at her, but he perched in her mind , not because of his looks but because of his laugh. For rest of that day she was weaving thoughts about him "Why was he laughed at me? Was i looking clown to him? Whatever,He is incredibly foolish."
But eventually in the end of the day her memorizing notions about him get disappeared and she had covered herself again in the black clouds with the same previous thought that 'why she was strucked in this prison'. She never did something wrong, she never even think wrong then why god put her in this situation.
Her exams got over then vacations which she spent in that prison,college reopened again. But during this duration she never had a single thought of him. One day in her college on the stairs she heard a sound "ASAD your crush.." that was the same boy who was laughed at her on the day of Holi. Each and every person started gazing at her and he ran away like he had seen a ghost. Now the things are clear that there was something hidden. Was he seriously like her but how and why?? He was so handsome and she was simple just simple. This time she was unable to control herself thinking about him. Each time when they had an eye contact it made her unconscious for a while. She started to feel butterflies in her stomach. Somehow he became the reason of her happiness. She didn't love him not even the attraction but the thought,only thought of him. Now there was a special place for him in her mind with those worst thoughts. Now when she felt sadness around her,she reminded her of him just to enamor herself. That boy also felt something for her. But their way of looking was different, for him it may be a feeling of love but for Inaayat it was just a heal to get rid of that worst thought.
This process of gazing continued for months. Inaayat daily waited for him near the football ground just to see him to collect another happy moment, sometimes he too. They were happy, enjoying that period. But one day he didn't come. She started to feel the same pain of creepy thoughts. "Where are you Asad??? I want to see you.." She was became habitual of his eyes which were so attractive. That day she went home with no good moment. An idea strikes in her mind she started to search for him on Facebook. He was not there,even not in the college for some days. She was continue searching him and want to know many things about him. After some days she found him again near football ground. "Did he change his mind?? He does not love me anymore. How can he be so careless?? He don't know that i am waiting for his gaze. Please stop it Inaayat.. " Now it was understood to her that it is more than a pleasure. It was love and this would need to stop as she couldn't go with him. With her, his life became hell. She couldn't give him time as she didn't have time for her own too. This relation couldn't survive. As for her love was an important feeling in this world, she never wanted to leave it in the middle. That relation which she couldn't grow up in future, she was never wanted to tie in that relation. Now She was ignoring him and he was doing complete homework of getting her attention.
She worked a lot to get rid of this feeling but she failed. She couldn't see him like that, doing efforts just to get a small attention of her. She again started to look at him like previously. When she was got the feeling of happening something worst then she again stopped looking at him. But after sometime her heart got melt again and she started to look for him. This situation continued for few months. This was seeming a kind of a game but no one was enjoying it . This period made her spending sleepless nights, crying in the dark, scraping herself and thinking about him. Don't know why but he became the most important person for her. She couldn't make him cry for her.
One day she was sitting alone in the garden, thinking about her dreams. "What is more important to me?? My papa and.. and may be him. I can't spend my life like that. I have to take stand. It's my life. You can't change Inaayat. Please be like before who didn't listen to anyone, lived her life on her own conditions. Please Inaayat fight for yourself. You know you are here to achieve your goal but are you actually achieving it?. No..No..Not at all, you are just thinking, overthinking. Get yourself out of this prison. You have to Inaayat you have to..." Then she took a step and talked to her father and told him the whole situation and made him understand that what he wanted his daughter to do, She couldn't achieve it here. Her father loved her the most. He understood all the situation and promised her that he would take stand for her. He took her away from that prison after a huge battle with lots of sacrifice and made her world again full of happiness. She told her father about Asad. Her father didn't say a word but she knew that he will understand her feelings.
Now she was too happy because she again became free to fight, to achieve her dreams, be it being independent or entering in her love's life. She started to show more love to him. She had a little fear also that in such a long period his love hadn't get fade. That's the same happened with her. He started to ignore her, those waiting's, feelings nothing had left, no excitement.
"I have took this stand for him. He can't ignore me like this. I can't live without you Asad." Her other dreams were not valued anymore in front of him. She was feeling the same pain after getting rid of that prison. "This is not fair. I am not happy after being free. That same pain. Now i am in prison of him."
She couldn't bear this anymore. She decided to talk to him as she believed that after telling him whole story the things will get normal again. First time she contacted him. Little nervous, little excited, frightened from his aggressiveness. "Will he understand me,My love?" As she heard a Hello from him, the butterflies alive again.
She reminded him about herself, her feelings for him and the days of waiting. "Sorry, I have respect for whatever you feel for me but i don't know you. I am not getting what to say. I am really very sorry." These were his words to her. Now she had no question to ask. Her feelings forced her to ask him for friendship. But even after his permission she hadn't contact him again. Because she couldn't tolerate a lie. There was a hidden truth or if it is not a hidden truth then he hadn't deserved her, this was her thinking right now. She started to prepare herself to crumple every thought related to him as she had further dreams to work on. But now and then some situations came in front of her which made her believe that he was lying. But what could she do? She couldn't force a person to speak truth about which she was not assured too. "It may be a prank. He is a bad guy. He hurt me or i am just overthinking. May be it was my illusion and he was not wrong. If it is so then i think i hurt him." She had never confessed like that before so it was obvious to overthink.
After 4 months without contact, she finally decided to ask him again. Because she thought that it was her mistake, might be he was unable to understand her nature and after being friends he wanted to know more about her. But it was a huge delay , now he didn't even want to accept her friendship. After few months of continuous fight she tired and failed to make him realize that she loves him a lot. She said sorry to bother him and said that it was her illusion,She misunderstood everything. "You never loved me, and i bothered you a lot. Please forgive me. Actually i have suffered a lot in my life and being apart from you is not less than a suffering but i will. You don't worry, i wish whoever come in my life would be better than you and wishing for you that you will get a deserving partner. You are such a really nice person." Some words from him stopped her believing that it was an illusion but she didn't have any option expect to be agree on his words. She didn't want to create that situation again as she had stopped talking to him on good terms.
He said her to find another guy for herself and she said she will, just because it was hard for her to wait for him when he knew about it because she knew that her waiting will also hurt him and she could't hurt him, not even in her dreams. Yes, she decided to wait, until she get tired of waiting. It was her decision. She knew that this story will always remain incomplete but what could she do? How can she forget that essence of his love so easily which she felt for 2 years? "I want to wait Asad in those shadows which will not reach to you and you will not suffer because of me. It has become my helplessness to be agree with you. May be you are saying truth and i was getting wrong but no one can escape this thought that for me 'It would always remain as a hidden truth' and for you 'It would always be my illusion'."
By krati mishra
