Budget: $110M
Box office: $253.9M
Release date: June 24, 2019
Running time: 115 minutes
I went into Men In Black International excited to see Chris Hemsworth take over the MIB leading role. Coming out of his superb performance in Thor and the Avengers movies, I expected a pretty good show for $322.
I loved the original Men in Black movies with Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones - those movies were iconic. After watching Men In Black International I have to say:
Who do I write to get my money back?
First let me say, I went into this movie a little angry. Maybe I should say damaged for life.
I couldn't even watch Thor: Ragnarok which I missed seeing in the recommended MCU watching order. I've watched Avengers: Endgame since. To this day I still haven't watched Thor: Ragnarok. Chances are high I won't knowingly watch it now.
My Thor problem happened when I saw Chris Hemsworth in Avengers: Endgame. I started watching the movie and then I saw it. I couldn't fucking believe it. I'm fucking watching tubby Thor? What the hell is going on?
Who the hell is Hemsworth's agent? What was Marvel thinking? Thor is not tubby!
Yeah, I know, Hemsworth has a "do anything with my soul" contract. Disney has a whole floor of attorneys who love contract law and fat suits.
Please, no one wants to see a fat Australian. No one except a gold digger, a game show host, a guy selling beer, or someone lost in the South Pacific.
Thor use to be a badass. Let's never see (or mention) Thor or Chris Hemsworth fat or fake fat again, please. Please note that this is coming from a 100% straight guy.
Anyway, Tessa Thompson was beautiful and talented as always. She is one of the reasons to see the movie. The movie overall was good, I guess.
I'm so pissed about tubby Thor in Endgame. So pissed.
Should you see the movie? Maybe.
The movie was not great. I would watch it on a Sunday afternoon on TV, but I wouldn't pay to rent it or buy it.
Chris if you are reading this you need to have a no fat man clause in your contract until at least 45–50/55. Please. I also spoke to a buddy of mine in Brisbane and he said no fat man ever for Chris too. That's two of us straight guys, 97% of gay guys, and 98.2% of all women now agreeing.
CONSERVATIVE MOVIE NOTICE™ (CMN)
Older or more traditional moviegoers with conservative values should be fine with this movie. Men in Black International contains lots of aliens, laser shooting, and one or two shady vice addicted characters. In context, it's pretty far out science fiction which shouldn't convey any message which is offensive for most conservative people. Mileage varies based on your specific viewpoint.
-Carl
The story below was republished from HLC Issue 6F.
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