1 you are not a gentleman: the principles of influence
‘The saddest thing about any man, is that he be ignorant, and the most exciting thing is that he knows.’ King Alfred the Great
I was barely awake when the phone rang. The urgent voice at the other end of the line claimed that Microsoft had found a serious problem with my computer. The caller insisted that I log in, immediately: otherwise, the malware would destroy my machine and everything on it. He sounded deeply concerned.
I tapped in the letters as he dictated them. A list of over a thousand errors and warnings scrolled down the screen. Yes, I had noticed that the computer had been slowing down. Yes, so many error messages were indeed worrying. ‘You see,’ he said, ‘your computer is about to die.’ I was having a little difficulty making out his accent; I was concentrating on understanding, rather than on the significance of the call itself.
But I was beginning to wake up. ‘Did you say you’re with Microsoft?’ I asked.
‘No, we’re partners. We’re Microsoft certified. Look on your screen.’
Sure enough, there was a window with ‘Microsoft Gold Certified’ right there, on the screen. Again, he insisted that my computer would die, today, if I did not let him install software to quarantine the many infections. A new window flashed on the screen. For £149, he would save my computer, and the protection would last for a year, but for another hundred pounds, if I bought the software immediately, today, he would extend the protection to five years.
‘How do I know that you’re Microsoft certified?’ I asked, stifling a yawn.
‘Look at your screen,’ he responded.
‘Yes, but you can put whatever you want on the screen. Who can I contact at Microsoft, in the UK?’
The address for Microsoft in London flashed on the screen. ‘But the London office won’t know who we are,’ he said.
‘How did you get my number?’ I asked.
‘If you don’t do this, right now, your computer will die. What difference does it make to me? I’m paid my salary whether you take my advice or not. I don’t work for a commission. You’ll lose everything on your computer. It’s no skin off my nose.’
‘How did you get my number?’ I asked again.
‘You are not a gentleman,’ he said. ‘I’m trying to help you.’ He sounded genuinely frustrated.
‘Hang on a minute,’ I said. ‘I’m not going to let you call me names, just because I want to be sure that your offer is genuine.’
‘It’s no skin off my nose,’ he repeated.
‘I want to talk to your supervisor,’ I said.
The supervisor came on the line and apologised for the slur. He then repeated the assertion that my computer would die, and I would lose everything on it, if I didn’t act right now. ‘Listen. We’ll do the work for free. If you’re happy, you can pay us. If not, you can simply walk away without paying a penny.’
I put the phone down as my computer went through various changes before my eyes. I called my brother. ‘Switch your machine off, immediately,’ he urged. ‘It’s a scam. Several of my friends have been caught by it. They leave ransom-ware on the machine, so every few months, you have to buy new add-ons to repair it.’
I had already pulled the plug. The phone rang, again. It was the supervisor. ‘You’ve dropped your internet connection. You are not a gentleman.’
‘I ama gentleman and youare a scam artist. A criminal.’ He wanted to argue the point. I hung up.
Luckily, my son is a computer expert and later that day he cleaned the machine thoroughly. ‘Watch out for any pop-ups,’ he recommended.
I have spent a lifetime studying tricks and scams. I can recite the litany of names used by experts to describe these manipulative methods. And yet, I almost fell for this rather evident confidence trick. There are even web pages warning about this particular company.
I didn’t buy the fake fix, and no ransom-ware was left in my computer. I’ve never sent money to a Nigerian with an inheritance offering to share his good fortune with me if I just provide him with a few dollars to collect. I have never sent a ‘registration fee’ to collect my winnings from the Dutch lottery. When a gorgeous Malaysian girl claimed to lust after my ageing body, I did realize it was a scam (though only after exchanging emails for a couple of hours).
It is not just the Internet that is rife with scams. Trickery is an aspect of human nature, and it reaches back long before the advent of the worldwide web.