Finding you all is like sorting out sand grains in the desert. But even more difficult is finding myself in my own inner desert filled with things and entities, which are, to put it softly, alien and unfriendly.
Another random note though... I am sorry, my constant and accidental readers and friends; I WILL go back to more adequate and thoughtful content very soon )
Actually, I have two random notes for today.
First - I noticed that sometimes when everything is extremely bad, it makes sense to make yourself even worse (or to go even deeper into the “bad”) in order to get somewhere else.
Second - it’s a funny and scary feeling when you casually talk with many random people, and start seeing and feeling that SOMETHING ELSE TALKS THROUGH THEM. And then realize that it’s not an esoteric experience or a perception change... It’s actually a part of real reality.
...
In Russian folklore there is a tale of a young man who is usually called a fool. Ivan the Fool. Well, in one of those tales he goes and meets some tsar or lord... or whatever... and that high standing person gives him an order - a task.
- I want you to go to “Don’t know where” and from there to bring me “I don’t know what,” says the tsar.
If the fool finds what he must, he will be rewarded, get half the empire, marry the princess and all that... But if not, he will lose his head.
...
I think I have been that Ivan the Fool for quite a while now.
Will I get rewarded or will I lose my Head?
And, paradoxically a more pressing question... What if “I don’t know what” is both more rewarding and more horrible than whatever rewards or horrors promised by the tsar?