As I lay on this couch and watched a movie, the scent of yesteryears flowed through the house and before I knew it, i was standing in my old driveway, no more than 11 years old. The feelings felt then I could feel in this moment, innocent, naïve and so willing to enter the real world.
Secured in the shell created by those dear to me, one of the most positive, secure times of my life. As I note this entry into this journal, this is my stronghold and where I came from.
As the sounds from the TV brought me back to reality, I found myself so strongly drawn to that time of my life, so strong that I did not want to let go of that moment. Finding it hard to escape back, the smell had disappeared, and the perfect colour of the sky subsided. With the loss of that nostalgia, so was there a loss of that moment in time.
Then something happened, something that I find hard to believe. I took myself back to that time, now conscious, and merged that time with the present, an amalgamated trip down memory lane.
My perception of the movie all of a sudden changed, I was now watching it through the eyes of an 11 year old boy, limited and within the parameters of his eleven year old mind. As the two started combing, in what became the most symbiotic combination of emotion I have ever experienced, I elevated from just a man, to a fusion of time, space and emotion.
The ability I had now, to witness certain instances of the movie on a narrower minded, naïve angle, cross-bred with the element of age and knowledge. Suddenly, I felt the fear creep in slowly, almost as though, I was being iced from the top down.
A swirling tunnel of thoughts streamed in, like a motor cross racer doing his rounds at 300km/h, tunnel vision into thought and mental activity, as my mind absorbed each and every feeling as though I was learning it all for the first time, I realised that this change does not simply apply to the occurrences in this movie, but rather to the daily thought processes each one of us conjure day in and day out.
Do you know the limitations of your own mind or were you like me to scared to venture into unknown waters? What lies beyond our boundaries, how far can we let our imagination go till it becomes too much for our current reality. How far is too far, how many versions of our self are we ready to explore, what if the others are there to help us out. Some say may cause an undesired conflict of interest and may ultimately lead to a personality disorder.
But, what if the multiples we experience is self-inflicted consciously or sub-consciously for the sole purpose of our learning and evolution, could we have the ability to control each one that comes through? Think hard of when you were at different ages and times of your life, if you could go back knowing what you know now what would happen… the truth is, that would not be a true reflection of us at all, more like cheating on yourself. Given the opportunity most people would go that route. Scary to think, that if we knew this, then, that may have changed, highly doubtful. Knowledge is power and put into the hands of those that don’t respect or know how to use it, would ultimately lead to inappropriate decisions and actions, based on human desire and end up in some form of malpractice.
Think of it this way, you sitting at home at that time of the day, and that smell comes through that takes to a place and time in your past, nostalgia, or is it as simple as that? This is the minds way of allowing you to connect and harness the emotion good or bad, and implement the new changes made all though life, and change it from bad to good, or from good to the better. People seldom realise the powers of the mind, the detail that actually goes on, what makes you smile, what makes you sad, every single transfer of data, to and from the mind creates a gateway to many other instances that are happening in the mind and body. Imagine the ability to feel this connection and transfer the combination of its sequential happenings into a single moment in time, NOW.
Now while absorbing thoughts through a possible emotional rollercoaster, control it and make the appropriate amendments to the current activity, whether it be watching a movie, playing a game or even something as simple as doing a bit of gardening, now let the two instances of your life merge, and this my friends is probably the truest most honest subconscious trip you will ever take. No matter where or how it takes you there. Yet, instead of keeping quiet about the thought or emotion that just got downloaded by what seems like a vulnerability in the human mind, ride it. In other words, implement that moment into what you are involved with at present, and reap a whole new world of feedback from your mind, but with the perception of an acquisition of you, now and then.
The human mind must be the most magnificent bundle of nerve and flesh that anyone could possibly comprehend. We allow for failure and to counter act it we invent or create new and better and stronger people all the time. I believe that there are a lot of people out there that are this way inclined, in other words gifted. Think of the art of persuasion, manipulation, think of sales people, think of doctors, and the truest reflection are those who attend the army, here an almost total migration of personality is encountered, re-built the way you need to be, to fight and kill on command. What happens though when you leave that shell, yet you are stuck in an instant that can very rarely be reversed? moving along life now fully reprogrammed and with a new set of protocols that are not necessarily the right configuration to deal with the reality of this life. So here we have what is commonly known as a mismatch, and breeds introversy if not solitude, and not only to people in the real world, yet more so within themselves.
Here we have a person, Dave, he is quiet and believes in peace and lives a life of tranquillity, never ventures off the straight and narrow, as this is how he was raised. Never to ask questions, do as you are told, and be as shallow as those who preached those words, or does he??? What if he gets so annoyed and frustrated one day yet does not have the will to come out and speak his mind….so indoctrinated, that’s all he knows…. So another persona is created, Lucien, he has all that and more, can do all that Dave can’t. I keep asking myself where the fucking problem is, and now I have the answer. The ability to control that emotion (Lucien) and harness its energies in combination with Dave makes Dave no longer Dave, but rather Super-Dave, get it??? It’s the thin line between reality and your sub-conscious crying out, that needs to be nurtured, and not like common medicine practises advises, to eliminate the impostor.
From all of my selves to all of yours, may we all be merry!