Hello Steemians! I want to say "fellow Steemians" but it doesn't feel genuine. I can't help thinking I'm on the outside looking in. This is my second account because I lost my password to my first account -- two years ago. For reference, I originally set up when Steemit gave you $5 to start your own corner of the Steemit universe.
I was writing for about a month and I thought I had potential to be an original voice to the community before I locked myself out and gave up.
During my self imposed exiled I checked up on my old account and would admire my one article that breached the $5 mark. It was a long time before I registered my new Steemit account. The whole process was a self contained saga -- A quiet fight I would have with myself every few months -- that eventually brings us to this article.
Here's my timeline:
- A few months of denial, anger at myself and finally depressing acceptance
- Doing nothing about creating a new account for a year
- Delusions of grandre and my absolute success on Steemit
- Being terrified to burst my confidence bubble by trying and failing
- Coming to terms with my limits and probability my blog will go nowhere
- Right back to Delusions of grandre and my absolute success on Steemit
- Talked to close friends about Steemit, my old account
- Unintentionally made my private and imaginary struggle about my talents and where my writing fits in Steemit very public
- Forced myself to make my imaginary new Steemit account a real thing in December, 2018 and finally writing my first article, this month.
- As expected -- Radio silence -- In a word, Failure.
- A few days of denial, anger at myself and finally depressing acceptence that I missed my chance on Steemit followed my first article.
- I managed to trick myself into being Free to finally write an article without an imaginary burden of success.
- The burden is real and I still wanted to have a voice on Steemit.
- Spent days writing a passionate review of my favourite TV show, The Office.
- Once again -- the familiar pit in my stomach formed as I watched my article fade into obscurity.
- A few days of being bummed out
- Back to the grindstone
I think the one thing I learned over the last 2 years is that if you really enjoy doing something -- you should do it for yourself -- even if you're the only one to ever read it.
There really is something powerful about having your thoughts preserved; however trivial or strange they may be. I respect every single person on this platform even if I may disagree with some of you. The world needs more creators and Steemit is full of them.
I guess the whole point of this article is to show literally even just one person that it is worth writing your thoughts down on this platform -- however small your audience.
Thanks for reading!
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