Today I was at work and i looked out the window from the 5th floor. I looked at the tall trees and the buildings in the back drop. I watched the clouds move as the wind blowed. I started to feel this chill run down my spine. As I enjoyed the view of the scenery my depression started to go away. It was beautiful. The view that is. Something in me (my intuition) was telling me to go out there (leave work). As if everything I ever needed and wanted was out there waiting for me. Right on the other side of the window.
A couple of minutes went by and that’s when I came back to reality. I realized I was still inside the building. I felt like a caged animal. I didn’t feel free at all. Whats crazy is all I had to do was leave. No one is holding me back but myself. My physical body wasn’t trapped, but my mind was. “On this side of the window is not freedom” I thought. I started to feel a little depressed again as I started to get back to work. It made me think of slavery. Is this what a slave feels like. Just imagine a slave working the fields. He/she doesn’t want to be there. While they’re working they look at the free people and just imagine how it would feel to have the opportunity to have that experience of freedom. That’s what I thought as I turned from the window.
That’s how I felt when I glanced out the window early today. I know being a slave is much much worse, but that’s how I felt at the time. I’m just being honest. Actually, that’s how I feel a lot of the time especially at work. The reason I feel like this is, because I know deep down in soul that life isn’t suppose to be like this. I know! I just know!! LIFE IS SUPPOSE TO BE MORE MEANINGFUL! I CAN FEEL IT IN MY SPIRIT! But this isn’t anything new. I’ve felt this way my entire life.
The ones who control all the resources has the world rigged the way they want it. To benefit them. They make us idealize the luxurious and lavish lifestyles and let us chase it. The only problem is they have this system set up to where only 0.001 of us can live like that. Then what do we do? Spend the majority of our lives at work. Most of us spend more time at work than we do with our families, hobbies, or most importantly ourselves. Even in indoctrination camps (public schools), starting from kindergarten, teachers make us believe that getting a job is the only way to start a successful life. You rarely hear them preach to students about expressing the only life you have and living your truth. They also tell us that only the lucky ones actually get to live their dreams. Like wtf kind of low self esteem advice is that to give to a child. What’s make it worse is our parents have us believing the same thing, because they sometimes don’t know any better either.
It makes it difficult for people like me who are aware of these things to live the life we want to live. I can understand people who are not aware of these things to not care what I’m talking about. But deep down they’re depressed as well. They don’t want to be at work either. They think this is the only way. But its not.
I think every person has to measure what success means to them. Working a 9-5 well actually for me is 7-5 is not success to me. Not a fancy car, a huge house, or a filthy rich social circle. Success to me is for me to live my life without limits. Success to me is to be more aware of the NOW. Success to me is love. I’m not saying that I don’t want things, because I do. I just don’t want to have to do something I don’t enjoy doing to have it.
I love life and my experiences that come with it. It’s just when I’m at work I just feel trapped. So just like everyday I’ll look out the window and think to myself “I know the world has more in store for me. This isn’t my destination.” “Freedom…. that’s all I want. One day I’ll be on the other side of the this window.”
By definition I'm a misfit...
... but who are you to say what's nORMAL?