'HOW A CARELESS TEENAGER TURNED INTO A (STEP)MOM'
(life of a girl who survived domestic violence and stalking, fighting for a better life)
Welcome to the Tenth day I'm participating in the #monthlyauthorchallenge!
I'm really excited to join the challenge! Why? Because I would love to share some bits of my life with you.
I think it might surprise you and even shock you 😉
DAY 10 CPS
Since we fled I had been talking
-to the police about the violence and the stalking,
-to a social worker about my well being,
-to several authorities about keeping our address a secret,
-to the lady of social benefits to arrange welfare,
-to my lawyer and the judge about the divorce
and to my (ex)husband hundreds of times.
Not the most lightly conversations.. I was exhausted at the end of every day, so I fell asleep as soon as the girls were asleep.
But there was another thing that was really taking up a great deal of my energy... CPS
The police adviced me to call them as soon as I arrived at this secret address and had talked to the social worker. (The guy who called me 'een ijskonijn' in Part 7..)
I called the CPS-office of the region of our secret address. They told me they couldn't help me, because we were still registered in another region (my home town). I explained our situation, but.. rules are rules..
So I called the CPS-office in my home town. They couldn't help me because I wasn't actually living there anymore.
Like I said before... GREAT SYSTEM!..
That was surprising to me. I had great expectations of the CPS. I was studying Social Work myself and I dreamt of working there! Helping kids and families, what could be more satisfying?
I kept calling people. I really wanted help by making the best possible decisions for my girls. I also wanted someone to keep an eye on them with me. I just wanted to make sure they were doing okay..
HELLOOO THERE'S A MOM HERE ASKING FOR HELP! CAN YOU HELP THIS MOM PLEASE, INSTEAD OF BOTHERING FAMILIES WHO DON'T ASK FOR YOUR INTERFERENCE?!
After a lot of calls someone was capable of THINKING instead of just following the rules.
She worked at RvdK. I think it's called Child Protection Board in the UK.
She invited me to come by to talk about the girls. She wanted to talk to just the girls as well. I liked this woman. She was very kind and really listening to our story. She adviced me to follow my mother-instinct and assured me that I did the right thing for my girls. She stood by me in court during the divorce. I was really happy with her help.
After we ran away my (ex)husband was adviced by the police to contacted CPS as well, because he wanted to see the girls.
I was called by this man, Michel, who ran a project 'Begeleide Omgangsregeling' (Arrangement concerning parental access with guidance) I told him that it was hard for me to just sit around the table with my (ex)husband because of everything that was going on.
He told me I HAD TO, because of HIS RIGHTS.
It wasn't my intention to keep him away from the kids. I was willing to cooperate as long as it would be safe for the girls.
He invited us over to have a conversation. I was wondering what to expect of the 'guidance'.
Michel told me that he could help with transporting the girls from me to their father and back, so there was no need for contact between the both of us.. 'How?' 'There is this guy, 60 years old. He'll pick the girls up in his car and bring them to their dad.' 'So I have to hand my girls over to a guy that I don't know and let him drive away with them hoping he'll bring them back later.' Michel:'Yes!'
'NO!!'
I will NOT hand my girls over to this guy in the hope he'll bring them back without harming them.. DUDE!!
My trust in guys isn't at his highest level right now! How can you come up with this idea?!
So I proposed to bring the girls myself every 2 or 3 weeks, so their dad could see them. It would be a risk for my safety, but I felt I had no choice.
(google images)
It wasn't easy. I didn't have a car so I had to travel many hours by public transport. And everytime I brought the girls to their dad he started talking to me about how he wanted me back, how beautiful I was, how I could ask for alimentation while I had this new jacket.. (according to him..)
But it was manageable..
After a while my (ex)husband was complaining though.. He wanted to see the girls more often. That wasn't going to happen in the short term.
So he started calling authorities. After calling the tax authorities he knew where to find us, and he came to our safe haven.. (Read Part 9)
After his visit at our safe address wasn't safe anymore.. I was thing about going back to our hometown.
My parents came by to talk about it. Their opinion was that it wasn't a good idea to move back to our hometown because of the severe stalking and the threats. Maybe it would be better to move to another safe address for anoter year.
That night I cried myself to sleep. I wanted to go back to our hometown. I wanted to see my friends and my family again after almost a year. I wanted to continue college so bad! I had to get my bachelor ASAP so I could stand on my own feet.
I HAD TO GO BACK!
So after a year living in isolation I moved back to our hometown with the girls. I made plans to continue college.
But unfortunately it got ugly. REALLY UGLY..
I'll tell you about it tomorrow!
Stay tuned!
-Thank you for your interest! I would love to hear something from you! Please leave a comment and I'll get back to you 😊 Hope to see you back tomorrow! Love you 😘!-
This story is part of a series I'm writing this month in the #monthlyauthorchallenge, here below are the previous parts:
PART 9: Stalking
PART 8: The divorce
PART 7: Running away
PART 6: Domestic violence
PART 5: Now what?
PART 4: Becoming a young mom
PART 3: Kissing and making out
PART 2: The first guy I'll kiss
PART 1: This is me
