Morally debauchery woman, I like this word very much.
It is not my original, it was originally a book title, about open-ended relationships.
This borrowing is because it is especially suitable for the kind of people I contact with.
They are often well-educated, have decent jobs, and have high demands on their external, self-cultivating and ethical standards.
On the other hand, in the orientation of sex and sexual relations, it is the opposite, with more bold and radical exploration than ordinary people.
Even the jokes of "the lady under the bed and the slut in the bed" are not enough to describe their contrast.
But balancing these two roles is not easy.
Conflicts between norms and sexual values from reality still occasionally make them anxious and upset, creating confusion in self-identification.
- I have a female friend "K", graduated from a prestigious school, a foreign company executive, is a typical workaholic.
She is very demanding of herself, and she does not allow herself to be "deprived", whether she is dressed or behaving.
She also often hangs her own life guidelines.
For example, if you don't make up your appearance, it's best to be rude. It's best to talk in a whisper. You must have a taste when you wear it. If you have a smile, you have a good relationship.
When there was a party, she was often the first to be present, busy and busy, and arranged everything clearly and clearly, taking care of meticulously.
In short, it is almost like a spring breeze to get along with her gentle and emotionally sensible people.
But what's interesting is that she shows a completely different character in sex.
In a truth-to-heart game, she admits that she is a deep SM enthusiast, and she usually plays "big".
She said that she never sticks to a certain form of sex.
She is eager to try everything that can trigger sensory and imaginative experiences.
She likes to swear when she is sexual, and the better she goes, the more she enjoys her confusion, the hair is scattered and she is sloppy.
Also eager to surrender to the other side, licking the neck, whipping, humiliating, binding, being a slave... how come "low squat".
She admits that she is fascinated by the kind of arbitrariness, disappointment, shameless, and completely out of control.
"It feels like drinking a little bit, getting ready to get drunk, swaying, ignorant and fearless."
She said that every time the hearty sex is like a smooth body and mind spa.
You can resurrect your blood, fight against the heavy and trivial real life, and do your own "elegant queen."
For K, sex is like a magic wand that saves her from the reality of high pressure and gets a short release.
This kind of "contrast" state is a surprise to hear, but it is reasonable to think carefully.
Because of the pressure of reality and the need for interpersonal maintenance, almost everyone is now carefully managing the "personal design."
The more demanding and ethical the person is, the higher the fatigue index.
At this time, there is no good decompression channel, either "people set" collapses or mental breakdown.
Sex, as a relative private life field, and a world of ethical norms, is an excellent scene for decompression.
It is easy for people to put down the "human mask" in this place, revealing the true self that is not known, and experiencing the precious release.
It is like a suffocating life, a gap that tears open, allowing people to breathe a relaxed and free air.
- "I like to take risks in sex."
"D" is one of my visitors. When she shared her sexual experience, her face was hard to hide.
She said that she is like a crazy sex hunter, and she can't help but want to have a relationship with some "dangerous people."
For example, my colleagues, professors in MBA classes, netizens who have never met, and so on.
She is interested in guiding sexual partners to challenge unconventional forms and occasions.
Offices, classrooms, fields, fitting rooms, friends, etc. can be her "battlefield."
She is not very interested in people and places that are too safe.
She said that in this "dangerous state", her sexual excitement will double.
In fear and uneasiness, the body can reach the boiling point for the best physical and mental experience.
"but……"
Speaking somewhere, her excitement disappeared instantly and turned into an anxious statement.
In reality, she has a completely opposite image.
"D" wears glasses, looks quiet, has a stable family, has a husband who loves her, and a child who just went to elementary school.
In the circle of friends, she is a model of good wife and good mother, her little family is a template for happiness in the eyes of friends and family.
Therefore, she often blames herself as a "bad woman."
I don’t know how to be blessed in Fu, I know that everything is so beautiful, but I still can’t help but be a demon.
However, she also clearly felt that life in the "perfect" state is lifeless and lifeless.
At the time of "hunting", she is full of vitality and has unlimited vitality and creativity.
Once the "prey" is won, the emotions turn to the next moment, and the emotions of frustration and self-doubt are countered.
The mood is a roller coaster-like ups and downs.
She doesn't like her own, but she can't stop, she is afraid to mess up the current situation, but she can't enjoy it.
She was very tired and painful when she repeatedly pulled and swayed between the two.
- Looking back on the history of growth, "D" mentioned that he grew up in a family with strict tutoring, and there are many rules at home.
Small to walk, big enough to live, parents have strict requirements.
In her memory, there are very few moments when people can have fun.
Despite too many complaints, she chose to obey.
In the eyes of outsiders, it has always been the appearance of a "prostitute", obedient and sensible.
The school, the university major, the current husband, and the time of the baby are all decided by the parents.
Over the years, her parents have arranged very well, and her days have been smooth.
But the only and biggest regret is that she is not happy.
"This life is not bad, it is not my own."
In the follow-up consultation, "D" himself realized that he was too "lack of play" when he was a child. Now he seems to be making up for something, and he always wants to play "big".
In addition, she perceives her "crazy" move, and seems to have hidden some kind of rebellion.
She said that she also seems to be using sex to resist something.
Is it the parent's discipline, is it a cumbersome rule, is it set for the "smart" person?
What is specific, she is still exploring the awareness.
But she understands that "sex" is far more simple for her than to "make love."
- To some extent, sex is a symbol of social morality and norms, and is the most prone to extreme judgment.
A person has talents and contributes to society. Once there is a problem with his sexuality, the image of this person will be completely destroyed. It is difficult to get up.
People always think that a person who deserves respect and appreciation should be "normal" and conform to the norm.
Once you deviate from this point, it is difficult to accept, and even deny all of this person.
It's like it's hard not to judge a sexually incompetent leader, a people's teacher who likes to shoot, and an industry leader who is out of track.
But because sex is a master of morality and norms, it is a naked temptation to challenge and destroy it for those who have long been bound by moral standards.
The more serious a person is, the more he will be after the crowd.
Behind this "wave" is the desire of some people to release pressure and the rebellion against rules and moral constraints.
Behind the rebellion is the desire to take off the mask and be more real.
When aware of this, the parties will be more able to accept and understand themselves.
Respect your feelings, don't reinforce yourself, and don't over-consider external demands.
At the same time, I can accumulate more courage and try to be myself in the real world, not just obsessed with breathing in the private life of sex.
After all, a sword symbolizing morality Damocles hung on his head, and it was flashing at the moment.
No one dares to say that he is not afraid.