I love having long hair just so I can always wear it in a bun. I hate it when hair falls all over my face. It's annoying. Last time I had short hair was 6 years ago and I was so happy with how long it grew. Every day was just a good hair day. But then last spring I got sick. I was lying in the hospital for two weeks unable to sit, eat, think and let alone comb my hair. So it went from nice long hair into a dreadful mess. It was just one big dreadlock. So I had to cut the tangled part away and I got a bob of some sorts.
It was wonderfully long.
And then...tan, tan, tan...a dear acquaintance of mine asked me if I would model for her hairdresser masters' exam. I sad yes because I don't really care about my hairdo. Or at least I thought I didn't. So I got a new hairdo, short, dark and curly. Like forever curly, a perm. It was cute the first day. But then it turned into a mess. I felt like a walking broom. I found myself in need of a hair wash every day to make the hair look presentable...not good, nor great, just presentable.
I started to hate the way it looked and that really took me by surprise because I was never the one to be insecure about my looks. I have the general problem of not liking people and not wanting to meet new folks, mingle and engage in small talk but not wanting to go out because I feel insecure about my looks, no, not me.
I was feeling broomish for a while.
The feeling became really consuming and I felt scared. I have three small kids. It is essential that I help them become strong, self-confident people. The world is a shitty, shitty place that will try to kick them in the knee whenever given a chance. It is widely known and recognized that young children, especially girls, learn about body image and self-esteem not only from the way we talk to them and the way we handle them but also from us. Kids learn what we live. They pick up the ques and words we might not even know we teach them. The most heartbreaking thing you can hear your kid say is ''I am ugly'' so to teach them their beauty you firstly must live your own. And it's not easy.
I call it the firecracker hairdo.
So my new year resolution #5 is to unapologetically love my hair. Ok, that may be a bit overambitious. I decide I'll at least accept that, for now, every day is a bad hair day and I'll make the best of it. At the end of the day if your sense of self depends on other folks affirmations you will fail miserably. You will always find someone who thinks that you look ugly, that you are stupid, that your posts are uninteresting or just find you generally annoying and you have to just accept that it's ok. I like this lovely photo from a genius local satirical page ''The daily dose of the average person form Dalmatia'' and it says ''In the new year stop worrying about if others like you''.
As a parent, I really can't hope for more than for my kids to do their best and give as few fucks as possible about other folks opinions. And to do so I have to lead by example and be what I wish they'd aspire to be.
Roling with what you have :).
I have tons of songs I sing to my kids and that I hope that they will incorporate in the soundtrack for their life. In the spirit of this post, I hope you take this as the soundtrack for this story. Are you careful about how you talk about yourself in front of your kids? Do you generally accept your self or do you worry about how others perceive you?
