If you’d told me when I was 18 and wild, that I would be a divorced single mom of one boy, I would told you you you that were smoking your socks, never mind adding two children to the mix and becoming a blended family of 5. I was too busy being goth and badass and partying enough for three consecutive lifetimes.
photo credit: 
I had Matthew when I was 27, and although that seems like a relatively “normal” age to have kids, let me tell you that I was totally unprepared and way too young. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life, motherhood, or my marriage and the latter fell apart: inevitably leaving me as a single mother by the age of 33.
Photo credit: https://tarryngoldmanphotography.co.za/portfolio
from my pregnancy photo shoot in the middle of winter, on Blouberg Beach while freezing my butt off.!
Although Matthew and I are more blessed than many in our position (Matthew has an excellent relationship with his dad, and he still plays an active role in Matthew’s life) it was still a lonely uphill climb. It was still ultimately my responsibility as Matthew's legal and custodial guardian for all his educational, emotional, health and economic management. And that’s exhausting.
I did not plan to walk this path alone….
Skip forward almost 3 years and one or two false start “relationships,” and I’d basically I had committed myself to a life of single motherhood and career goals, basically settled in my depressing theory that I’d be alone forever and all men are unfeeling troglodytes,
And then…….
photo credit:
And oh boy did my life get twisted upside down.
Zak Ludickand I met in a hot tub on New Years 2019/2020. No it’s not as dirty as it sounds! We were invited, separately, but by the same friend, to another friend’s house for a New Years Braai (kinda like a BBQ but more South African and WAY cooler) party. Zak was single and I was stood up by my date: for which I am totally delighted. Zak and I basically stuck together like glue that night, debating world politics and making out in the starlight, and we haven’t looked back.
Photo Credit:
After surviving the COLLOSAL new years hangover that followed on the 1st, Zak and I had our 1st date at a famous South African Family restaurant AND we included all the kids (which is crazy for cautious parents like us). This also afforded me the opportunity to return his shorts (yes, technically I did his laundry before our 1st date) and left over braai’d rump steak that he left behind in our Uber on New Years.
2020 was one batshit crazy year, bringing with it the love of my life, best friend and soulmate, two children and a global pandemic.
Aside from narrowly avoiding world war three (thanks USA) and pestilent armageddon (thanks Covid), we also managed to become financially secure and saved up enough to move away from our parents and blend our families together. We’re not exactly “swimming in it” but I am damn proud of what we achieved together, as a family and all in two years! What incredible things I can see for us in our future.
photo credit:
That being said, making the journey from one child to three (without the starter pack for the other two) has been both glorious and frankly quite terrifying.
Kind of like flying a helicopter.
I don’t know how to fly a helicopter
But if you’ve ever been in one and have vertigo like me, I’m pretty sure you can relate.
It’s very loud, very fast, very dangerous and every second feels like you're going to die, yet it’s as exhilarating AF.
Yep.
That's a pretty accurate analogy
My holy guacamole. What a ride it's been so far.
Meet @Matthew-Williams (9 turning 10 in July), the extrovert, our youngest and my biological son. Although the esoteric and star signs are no longer my bag really, he's a flipping Leo, through and through. Full of love and a total extrovert, but totally used to being an only child and demanding of all attention. It’s been a steep learning curve that the world does not actually revolve around him but also that my love for him is immeasurable. He has also learnt that mommy’s love is not a pie, and I apparently can’t run out <3<3<3 in fact, the more I love, the more I get back and the more I can give. It’s a win win for everyone on an exponential scale.
Meet @MerenLudick (11 turning 12 in May) who is basically like a walking magic 8 ball, with zero filter. He will tell you exactly how things are, no nonsense. So if you woke up looking like rabbid forest animals hibernated in your hair for the night and the bags under your eyes were meant for carrying laundry, believe me, he’ll flipping tell you. But that also means, that when he says “I love you,” you can be damn well sure he means it.
Meet @AimeLudick (who is turning 14 in 24 days and I don’t want to think about the next birthday!). My 1st question to her was: “What is your favourite animal?” and she said “Llamas,” and then proceeded to make the most dorky buck toothed grin I have ever seen in my life and I was like OMG YOU ARE MY PERSON! See below: me at exactly the same age as Aime when we met.
So back to the 1st date:
I had an escape plan and parked close to the entrance. This was crazy new territory for me. I had never met a single dad. A real single dad. Not just a dad on weekends kinda dad. This man has raised two gorgeous children by himself and really that was already a MAJOR green flag waving around. And that was scary. “A GOOD MAN? What do I even do with one? What do I feed it? Steak. You feed him steak.” I remind myself, content that I’d managed to babysit his prime cut rump for 24 hours.
Matthew and I walked into the Spur and were greeted by Aime and Meren. Meren and Matthew hit it off and we lost them to the play park for 90% of the evening, and Aime and I hit it off almost as quickly as Zak and I did.
After that date (and the kiss at the end that was fuelled by milkshakes instead of tequila), I realised that after all my searching I’d finally found where I belonged.
It’s been a delicate balance and there’ve been some bumps and scratches along the way, but by staying open and fluid and incredibly dedicated, we’ve built trust and an incredibly strong family unit. This month, we celebrate two months in our new home together, and really I can't wait for the rest of my life with this crazy bunch.
