The moment finally arrived, Maxim was born after almost 42 weeks of pregnancy and 26 hours of labor. His tiny body was presented to my face immediately after the unplanned c-section, so I could kiss his forehead while tears of joy ran down my cheeks. At that moment, I could have never imagined the huge challenges yet to come.
Reality check
I read so many books on pregnancy (about five), went to prenatal classes and even watched related videos on Youtube. However, I never expected the first weeks of motherhood to be so overwhelming. I know this might seem naive, but you really don’t know what becoming a parent is until you actually have a baby. They don’t come to life with an instruction manual.
That little human being just pops out and suddenly becomes totally reliant on you and all your actions. It’s a big deal when you think about it!
Motherhood series
I’d like to share a series of posts with you about my new experience as a mom. I’ll be covering some related topics, but don’t worry, I will also keep blogging about other subjects. For now, my main focus is on motherhood and learning how to survive it day by day.
Do you want to know what life really is when you live in the present? Then become a parent! Life will throw ''live in the present and let go'' in your face and you’ll have to deal with it,...no matter what.
Breastfeeding
The first topic I’d like to cover is breastfeeding. Many women choose to breastfeed way before giving birth to their first child and have no idea how challenging this can be. There are so many things that can happen, so many possible frustrations and you need a lot of courage and support from your loved ones to make it possible. However, you might find out that no matter how hard you try, it just doesn’t work.
One thing for sure, I’d advise you to never ever judge a mother who chose not to breastfeed after trying. Don’t shame her! You don’t know what she has gone through. You don’t know all the nipple pain she’s been suffering or all the options she’s tried without success. Give her a break and remember that she actually managed to give birth to a whole human with her body! That my friends, as common as it may seem, is already something to admire her for.
My story…
Before I gave birth to my son, I knew I wanted to breastfeed. Thus, I read about the possible challenges and prepared myself mentally to face them. Nevertheless, it turned out to be way more demanding than I had ever expected. I won’t dive deep into details, but let’s just say that breastfeeding right after a c-section is almost technically impossible. If there are any moms out there who did not have any difficulty after that major surgery, I believe they must be the minority.
In case you didn’t know, a newborn baby must be fed every two hours. When you give birth at a hospital, even if the baby is sleeping you must wake him to feed or the nurses will hassle you to make sure you do it. I don’t know how it works with a midwife though…
The reason behind this two-hour scheduled feeding is to prevent underweight and ''jaundice'' Babies lose a lot of weight after birth and if breastfeeding does not work after delivering, nurses won’t hesitate to propose supplementing with formula.
Since I had trouble breastfeeding after surgery, I had to supplement my maternal milk (at this stage it’s called colostrum), with formula. Fortunately, the hospital provided the free formula to make sure the baby was well fed no matter what. How in the right mind was I supposed to breastfeed after no sleep, no food and water, in the past 30 hours or so, high on medications and extreme abdominal pain due to surgery?!
During the three days at the hospital, multiple nurses came in at all times, day and night to verify my breastfeeding condition. They took turns at explaining how to position the baby and squeezed my nipples to help the milk flow each time. For a while, I felt like a cow strapped to an uncomfortable bed that had pedicured fingers of all shapes and sizes milk my breasts while pushing my baby’s face to the nipple. I suddenly began to empathize cows and imagined how hard it must be to live in a farm with those conditions that make it possible for families to have their 2% jug of milk on the dinner table everyday…
I kept trying to breastfeed once back home from the hospital but was incapable during the first week. In the meantime, I kept pumping my milk and supplemented it with formula.
By week two, a nurse visited our home and performed a general mom and baby checkup. I explained all the methods I had tried to continue breastfeeding and how frustrated I’d become. She reassured me and found a way to help me breastfeed with a nipple shield. I suddenly felt so relieved, my will to breastfeed became a reality! I could see the light at the end of the tunnel or the milk at the end of the nipple...
Nipple shield
Nevertheless, after 5 weeks and several challenges I’ve decided to keep breastfeeding and supplement with formula-feeding. The nipple shield works fine, but it has been difficult to help the baby adapt to the boob without it. I’m really not sure he’ll be able to latch on my breasts without it one day and I don’t know if I’ll stand sticking that silicone thing on my nipple during a year. I might end up pumping my milk and supplementing with formula to bottle-feed. I shall see...
One thing for sure, I can’t blame myself for not trying to breastfeed as naturally and frequently as possible. I still believe breastfeeding is the best nutritional option to feed a baby and a magnificent way to bond with him. However, the experience should be positive for the baby AND the mother in order for it to be really beneficial. Why should a mother torture herself, when there are so many healthy options out there nowadays? Besides, a baby can feel the mother’s energy and wants to be fed by a happy mommy!
In conclusion, I’d like to share the below article that made me realize why is important to not judge mothers who choose or cannot breastfeed their baby. Please read it!
I’m a Doctor and I Think Breast Isn’t Always Best
Happy (and Fed Baby), Happy Mommy. Breastfeeding isn’t always an option for everyone; and in some case, it may even be discouraged. The crux of it is that there is no right or wrong answer – the best way to feed your baby is to do what works: breastfeed, bottle feed, do it all – just don’t beat yourself up or feel like a failure.
So my friends, please do me a favor and never again shame a mom for not choosing to breastfeed. What’s important is to have the baby well fed no matter what. What is better for a baby than a happy mom who is eager to feed her little one with so much love?
