Letting Go Of Mindlessly Steeming On

Today I find myself yearning for yesterday. Not "the good old days", but literally, yesterday.

It was Sunday. It was Mother's Day. I had nothing to do or decide. Just what I was told to do and I knew it would be good because it was a family day.

Today I feel a little deflated, a little lost.

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This morning I started on Steemit by responding to comments, completely unaware I was caught up in expectation.

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Yesterday, when I got home, after a lovely afternoon with family, I discovered that I'd won Hive account@abh12345's Commenting League. I was really excited about that and jumped straight into all the banter that goes along with it. I'd worked really hard last week towards this end but had seen it as a "one off", something I would step back from this week. But my competitive spirit was re-ignited and I started today by jumping straight into the fray.

I was off responding to comments before I'd hardly taken breath but I started to notice that I just wasn't feeling it. So I switched to reading blogs that had been posted overnight and then that started to feel like a chore. Truth be told I was feeling weary.

No problem, I changed direction again and soldiered on, this time taking photos with which I could write my planned blog post about my day yesterday. But there didn't seem to be any joy in that either. It too felt like a chore, like something I needed to do in order to keep up on Steemit.

So I walked away and did the simple task of emptying the dishwasher. And, in doing that, I realised that I had wandered from the unfolding path again.

This is familiar territory for me. Something starts to work out the way I envisaged, my focus narrows and, before I know it, I'm taking actions designed to produce the outcome I have in mind and there is no space for the unexpected or for inspiration that occurs outside the narrow confines I have created.

Then my actions start to feel joyless and not "right" and my energy levels drop.

That's where I found myself this morning.

The good news is, I've caught it really quickly and taken a step back.

The bad news is, depending upon your perspective, I've no idea what this means in terms of my presence here on Steemit. I suspect, not a lot. Probably nothing will look very different from the outside whilst everything will feel different on the inside.

Let's see what unfolds . . .