Sisters- a word not always represented correctly. A word that many forget is a commitment, a fellowship, a form of guaranteed support and friendship. Well, at least it should be or we should work for it to be....
This is my story of broken sisterhood finding redemption
My sister and I born just 18 months apart grew up in what one would call an ideal family; happily married parents who loved each of us equally and supported us in every way they knew how. One could say we had the perfect family- all except the sister- or so we thought back then.
Being only 2 children, both girls and both so similar in age we always strived to be the best, to out-show the other and gain the affection of our (parents in a way different and superior to the other). Being the oldest I always remember feeling that I deserved more, to be able to do more and to get more pocket money. Looking back today I remember being so frustrated that I always was treated as if I was the same age as my sister. I remember the need to stand out as better, older and wiser- yes wiser. LOL
As you can imagine this was breeding grounds for strife with what should have been a best friends situation; with the typical younger sibling wanting the approval of the older and to essentially be like them (especially at a young age) and my need to be older and treated better we really did not get along as we should have.
Growing up we went through phases of being close and then fighting. With the fighting increasing every year as the past hurts and rejections growing stronger. Sisterhood was something we missed out on. Don't get me wrong-we loved each other and would die for each other but we could not hold a conversation without hurting one another. Soon the only interaction we had was- "where is mom?", "daddy said you must come eat."
Thankfully Rudi-my husband and then boyfriend- entered our lives in our early 20's and having had a better relationship with his brother, encouraged us to reconcile.
Reconciling was hard and a difficult process. We had difficult conversations with tears and hurt bubbling up from years as young as we could remember. I remember feeling raw and exposed in an environment which I did not know was safe to share my vulnerabilities in. Dealing with the emotions was hard as we came to notice that we had hurt each other in ways we did not even notice. Ways that we are ashamed to say today- which make perfect sense of why we felt the way we did about each other.
It was awkward at first. I remember Rudi recommending that we go on a double date to my sister's boyfriend- I was horrified. What would we say to each other? How would we spend so much time together? Could I be comfortable around them? What if we would hurt each other again? All questions running through my head as we went out to a New Years Party in Sun City. Surprisingly enough we did it. We got along-yes with 2 buffers helping us- but we did it. We had successfully celebrated a New Year together with no problems and we could see the hope of the future.
The next couple of years we worked hard to get to know each other-slowly- not forcing anything and learned what not to do around each other. How we could work together as a team and how having a sister was like having a lifelong best friend. It was a slow process which we embraced. One which required work on both ourselves and the relationship. And now today we are just that- best friends who understand each other in a way that no one else ever could. Friends who grew up exactly the same and have experienced the same things in life.
So today-after spilling my guts on this mini-blog. I want to encourage you. If you are having problems with your siblings, if you are hurting from what should be a safe space or have hurt the trust of your siblings- work towards fixing it. Even when you think you could never be friends with your siblings-know that they are the ones that make the best friends and it is worth walking through the road to recovery. It is worth the tears of 'you said this and it made me feel this' conversations. It is worth forgiveness.
Thank you Rudi for bringing us back together and thank you Chanel-my forever bestie- for teaching me what we missed and forgiving me for all the horrible things I said to you. I have a real friend in you!