You Are Not A Backup Plan

In this part of the world where electricity may be off without prior notice, it is common for people to have "power bank" as a backup plan, so they can use it to charge their device when they do not have electricity. But when the electricity becomes stable, they forget about the power bank, only to remember it again when they need it. This is how some people are. There are some people that will only remember you as a "plan b" when their main plan fails. Well, just to let you know, you are worth more than just being a backup plan, so you should know your worth and your value.

Sometimes ago, I had this friend who only remembered me when she needs something that I can offer. But after that, she would go off again and remain incommunicado. In fact, to even reply to chats may take her hours or even days in some cases. Even when she replied, it would be a one-line text. She would not be present even when you need her, and always forming busy. But when she gets in need again, she would remember. That was the time I realised that she actually knows what she was doing. She did not care about my feelings or anything that concerned me, but only interested in her own. Well, I had to create a boundary to protect myself from exploitation and manipulation.

One of the things that I have noticed about this era is that a lot of people are looking for validation, support, and convenience, which makes it easy for them to fall into the role of being someone's backup plan. They become the person they call when their main plan fails, or the person they turn to when others are unavailable. That is, they become the spare tyre, only used when the main tyre is faulty. Imagine someone remembering you only when they need help from you, but will not be involved in anything that concerns you. Some may only come to you for emotional support without even caring about your own emotions and your feelings.

It is worthy to note that your value or your worth is not a function of your availability at the moment of convenience. You are not existing just to be placed on standby and waiting patiently until someone needs you. You should understand that you are supposed to be a priority, not an option. When you understand this and walk in the consciousness of it, everything about you and how people treat you will automatically change. You need to know your value, but much more than that, you also need to know your place in the life of people. If someone cannot walk just a Metre for you, why should you walk 10 Kilometres for them?

More often than not, being treated as a "backup" starts subtly. Like someone ignoring your messages, but then suddenly becomes very attentive because they want help. Even when they show up, it is for their own benefit only. The truth is that if you keep allowing all these without setting boundaries, a time will come when it will become a pattern. At that point, you will begin to feel undervalued, used, and overlooked.

What you should know is that people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. So you see, the responsibility does not lie in their hands, but in your hands too. This is why you have to make people to know how to treat you. Know your worth, know that you have value. If you do not value your time and your presence, others will also not value it.

You have to also know that your time is as important as everyone else's time. Also know that your energy is also limited, and as such, should be invested in the things and on people that genuinely matter. Even in your relationship, you should be chosen intentionally, not settled for. That is, you should be appreciated, not tolerated. Remember that you are not supposed to be a backup plan to people, rather you should be valued.

Thanks for reading