What’s the millennial question?
Apparently, Millennial as a generation which is a group of people who were born approximately 1984 and after are tough to manage and they are accused of being entitled and narcissistic and self-interested, unfocused, lazy but entitled is the big one and because they confound leadership so much what is happening as leaders are asking the millennial 'What do you want?' and millennial are saying we want to work in a place with purpose love that we would make an impact you know whatever that means, we want free food and bean bags and so somebody articulate some sort of purpose. There is lots of free food and those bean bags and yet for some reason they still not happy and that is because….. there is a missing piece, what i have learned is that there I can break it down into four pieces right there are four things four characteristics, one is parenting the other one is technology the third one is impatience and the fourth one is environment. The generation that we call the Millennial too many of them grew up subject to not my words failed parenting strategies you know where for example, they were told that they were special all the time that they have anything want in life just because they want it right, they were told so of them got into honors classes not because they deserved it but because their parents complained and some of them got ‘A’ is not because they earned them but because the teachers didn’t want to deal with the parents, some kids got participation medals, you got a medals for coming in last… right… which the science we know is pretty clear which is it devalues the metal and the reward for those who actually work hard and that actually makes the person who comes in last feel embarrassed because they know they didn’t deserve it so doctor makes them feels worse right so take this group of people in the graduate school and they get a job and the thrust in turn it into the real world and in an instant they find out they are not special, their moms can’t get them a promotion that you get nothing for coming last and by the way you cant just have it because you want it right.. And in an instant their entire self image is shattered and so you have an entire generation that’s growing up with lower self-esteem than previous generations.
The other problem to compound it is we are growing up in a facebook, instagram world, in other words, we are good at putting filters on things we are good at showing people that life is amazing even though I’m depressed right?... and so everybody sounds tough and everybody sounds like they got it all, figure it out and the reality is there is very little toughness and most people don’t have it figured out and so when the more senior people say what we do they sound like this is what you got it and they have no clue so you have an entire generation growing a little self-esteem than the previous generations right through no fault of their own, they were dealt a bad hand right now let’s add in technology we know that engagement with social medias and our cell phones releases a chemical called dopamine that is why when you get a text, feels good… all right?... so you know we have all had it when you are feeling a little bit down or feeling a bit lonely and so you send out 10 texts to 10 friends, you know… hi..Hi...Hi…hihi.... because it feels good when you get response right… it is why we count the likes it’s why we go back 10 times to see if and if it is going if our midst and my intagrams is growing slower I would do something wrong do they not like me anymore the trauma for young kids to be unfriended right.. Because we know when you get a hit of dopamine which feels good why we like it, it is why we keep going back to it. Dopamine is the exact same chemical that makes us feel good when we smoke when we drink and when we gamble, in other words, it is highly addictive... Right... we have age restrictions of smoking, gambling and alcohol and we have no age restrictions on social media and cell phones which is the equivalent of opening up the liquor cabinet and saying to our teenagers… hey by the this adolescence thing if it gets you down, but that is basically what is happening that’s happening right… that is basically what happened you have an entire generation that has access to an addictive numbing to chemical called dopamine through social media and cell phones as they are going through the high stress of adolescents why is this important, almost every alcoholic discovered alcohol when they were teenagers, when they when we were very young the only approval we need is the approval of our parents and as we go through adolescence we make this transition where we now need the approval of our peers very frustrating for her parents, very important for us that allows us to acculturate outside of our immediate families into the broader tribe right… it is a highly stressful and anxious period of our lives and we are supposed to learn to rely on our friends , some people quite by accident discover alcohol and numbing effects of dopamine to help them cope with the stresses and anxieties of adolescence, unfortunately, that becomes hardwired in their brains and for the rest of their lives when they suffer significant stress they will not turn to a person they will turn to the bottle social stress financial stress career that’s pretty much the primary reason why an alcoholic drinks right… what’s happening is because we are out allowing unfettered access to the dopamine producing devices and media basically it is becoming hardwired and what we are seeing is, as they grow older they too many kids don’t know how to form deep meaningful relationships their words not mine they will admit that many of their friendships are superficial, they will admit that their friends that they don’t count on their friends, they don’t rely on their friends they have fun with their friends but they also know their will cancel out them that something better comes along deep meaningful relationships are not there because they never practice the skill set and worse, they don’t have the coping mechanism to deal with stress so when significant stress starts to show up in their lives they are not turning to a person they are turning to device they are turning to social media they are turning to these things which offers temporary relief, we know the science is clear we know that people who spend more time on facebook so far higher rates of depression than people spend less time on facebook right.. these things balanced alcohol is not bad too much alcohol is bad, gambling is fun too much gambling is dangerous right… there is nothing wrong with social media and cell phones it is the imbalance right.., if you sitting at dinner with your friends and your texting somebody who is not there, that’s a problem that’s an addiction if you are sitting in a meeting with people you are supposed to be listening to and speaking … and you put your phone on the table face up or face down I don’t care that sends the subconscious mattress to the room and you are not just not that important to me right now… right that’s what happens and the fact that you cannot put it away is because you are addicted.. Right... if you wake up and you check your phone before you say good morning to your girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse you have an addiction and like all addiction in time it will destroy relationships it will cost time it will cost money and will make your life worse… right… so you have a generation growing up at a lower self-esteem that doesn’t have the coping mechanism to deal with stress.. Right, now you add in the sense of impatience... Right... they have grown up in a world of instant gratification you want to buy something you go on Amazon it arrives the next day, you want to watch a movie log on and watch your movies you don’t check movie times you want to watch your TV show …. Binge…. You don’t even have to wait week to week to week… right… I know people who skip seasons just so they can binge at the end of the season.. right… Instagram if occasion you want to go on date you don’t even have to learn how to be like ….. A lion walking with confidence….. you don’t even have to learn and practice that skill you don’t have to be the uncomfortable and what’s this is Yes when you mean no one says no when you yes.. you swipe right thing I’m a stud right… you don’t have to learn the social coping mechanisms right… everything you want you can have instantaneously everything you want instant gratification except job satisfaction and strength of relationships there ain’t no app for that, they are slow meandering, uncomfortable messy processes and so I keep meeting these wonderful fantastic, idealistic, hard-working smart kids they’ve just graduated school they’re in their entry-level job, I sit down with them when o go how is it going they go I think I’m going to quit, I’m like why? They’re like I’m not making an impact; I’m like you’ve been here eight months. It is as if they are standing at the foot of a mountain and they have this abstract concept called impact that they want to have in the world which is the summit what they don’t see is the mountain, I don’t care if you go up the mountain quickly or slowly but there is still a mountain and so what this young generation needs to learn is patience that some things that really matter like love or job fulfillment joy love of life self-confidence a skill set any of these things all of these things take time sometimes you can expedite of it but the overall journey is arduous and long and difficult and if you don’t ask for help and learn that skill set you will fall off the mountain or you will….
The worst case scenario and we’re already seeing it is we’re seeing increase in suicide rates we’re seeing an increase in this generation, we’re seeing increase in accidental deaths due to drugs overdoses, we’re seeing more and more kids drop out of school or take leaves of absence due to depression unheard of these are all bad, the best case scenario the bet those are all bad cases right.. the best case scenario is you will have an entire population growing and going through life and just never really finding joy, they will never really find deep joy fulfillment in work or life they will just walk through life and it will G just fine how is your job? … It’s fine the as yesterday.. how is your relationship it is fine like that is the best case scenario which leads me to the fourth point which is environment we are taking this amazing group of young fantastic kids would just dealt a bad hand it is no fault of their own and we put them in corporate environment that care more about the number and they do about the kids, they care more about the short-term gains than the long term life of this young human beings, we care more about the year than the lifetime right… and so we are putting them in corporate environments that aren’t helping them build their confidence that aren’t helping them learn the skills of cooperation that aren’t helping them overcome the challenges of a digital world and finding more balance that isn’t helping them overcome the need to have instant gratification and teach them to the joys and impact and the fulfillment you get from working hard over on something for a long time that cannot be done in a month or even in a year and so with thrusting to them in corporate environments and the worst part about it is they think it is them, they blame themselves they cant think it is them who can’t deal and so it makes it all worse.. It is not...
I’m here to tell them it is not them it is the corporation it is the corporate environment, it is the total luck of good leadership in our world today that is making them feel the way they do they would dealt a bad hand heads and I hate to say but it is the company’s responsibility sucks to be you like we have no choice right this is what we got and I wish that society and their parents did a better job they didn’t so we are going to, we are getting them in our companies and we now have to pick up the slack, we have to work extra hard to figure out the ways that we build their confidence we have to work extra hard to to find ways to teach them social skills that they are missing out on there should be on cell phones and conference rooms none zero and I don’t mean the kind of like sitting outside waiting to text I mean like when you’re sitting and waiting for a meeting to start nobody go, this is what we all do we all sit here and wait for the meeting to start meaning okay we start the meeting no that’s not how relationships are formed remember we the meeting no that’s not how relationships are formed remember we talked about it is the little things relationships are formed this way we’re waiting for the meeting to start me go how ‘s your dad heard he is in hospital oh… he is really good thanks for asking he is actually I home now oh… I’m really glad it was really amazing I know it was really scary for well that is how you form relationships hey… did you ever get that report on oh my God no I didn’t I’ll help you out I totally uh… can I help you out with that really that’s how trust forms trust doesn’t form at an event in a day bad times don’t form trust immediately it is the slow steady consistency and we have to create mechanisms where we allow for those little innocuous interactions to happen, but when we allow cell phones and conference rooms we just have the meeting and then my favorite is like…
when there is a cell phone there you go like this… you go… a little bit shocked when it rings and I’m not going to answer that is Mr. magnanimous you know when you are out for a dinner with your friends like I do this with my friends when we are going for dinner and we are leaving together we will leave our cellphones at home who are we calling? Maybe one of us will bring a phone in case we need to call an uber or take a picture of our meal Fang.