Most people put more time and energy into planning a dinner party or shopping for a car than they do seeking a mate who is right for them. Unfortunately, there are serious consequences when romance is left entirely to chance. Oh, we know, it sounds so businesslike to talk “strategy” when it comes to dating. “You should just let it happen,” we often hear. But that’s a cop-out. If you’re going to date smart you have to think smart.
Have you considered the kinds of things you want in a dating relationship? What qualities are you looking for in another person? What traits, skills, abilities would fit the bill for you? Whether you’ve made your “shopping list” or not, we’ve got to tell you that it may be deceiving. Unless you are practicing smart love, what you think you’re looking for may be off the mark.
When asked to indicate the most important quality in a dating partner, today’s college students don’t hesitate. “Looks” is the first word they utter.
So let’s all be honest, the secret’s out: whether we admit it or not, physical attractiveness tops the list of desirable dating qualities. Is this wrong? Absolutely not. Sex appeal is part of God’s design. But here’s the clincher: there’s far more to a dating relationship than looks. The truth is physical attractiveness is a good spring, but a poor regulator. It gets love going but it doesn’t keep love going.
Smart love understands this and looks beneath the surface. Smart love looks beyond beauty to find sustaining principles for lasting love, a love that may uphold lifelong marriage.
That's why God’s Word reminds us to connect with people who are in line with our spiritual life (2 Corinthians 6:14, 1 Corinthians 15:33). By the way, Scripture doesn't say anything about making sure the people you date are physically attractive. It directs us to focus on their spirit and character. The truth about relationships is that the healthier both individuals are emotionally and spiritually, the healthier the relationship will be.
After all, the divorce rate is so high, according to Yale researcher Robert Sternberg, not because people make foolish choices, but because they are drawn together for reasons that matter less as time goes on. In other words, the force that brings a couple together—physical attractiveness—has little to do with what keeps them together.
For too long, couples have based the start of their relationship on superficialities and then hoped for the best. But there’s a better way. You no longer need to leave the future of your relationship to chance.
Have you ever thought about what draws you to someone you’re interested in?
Does your physical attraction matter more than someone’s spiritual depth or character?
Today, ask God to help you view people the way He does. He is faithful to convict and transform our thinking and will help us to connect with others in a deeper way that honors Him.