When we talk about personality, we are talking about every aspect that contributes to your overall betterment and growth. So the very first point becomes:
1. Self awareness: Think of self awareness as finding out your limitations. To find your limitations, you need to search for a few things:
a. Self destructive patterns, for example, relationships to which you give so much thought, effort, and get nothing back from. People for whose approval, you're willing to destroy your mental health, peacefulness, and replace it with constant stress, negativity, and self damage. This could be a type of personality you automatically get attracted to, which consists of a few characteristics that have the power to own your mind completely. People do this again and again, so you need to think if you have done this too. Question this,
b. Tendency to want everybody to like you. This simple crippling tendency does two things: automatically assume that those whose acceptance you seek are above you, which gives them power over you, and the choice to use it however they want and two, your self worth rests in the hands of others, which means the control over your happiness has been gifted to others.
c. Conscious awareness. How awakened are you in every moment of the day? Which means what is your relationship between actions and goals. Every minute of the day, do you consciously look at the thing you're doing, and ask yourself, "is the best use of my time?" Simple game changer.
You're living in a virtual world where your senses have been hijacked, and brainwashed to repeatedly stare and live through a screen.
d. Blame. Everytime you feel there is something wrong, do you go inwards, or point fingers at the first person you can find? If your approach to solving a problem, resolving an issue starts with pointing fingers at others, then you're doing the opposite of seeking a solution. Problem is solved by considering the known facts, patiently analysing the details, objectively looking at the problem to determine whose fault it is, and the percentage of participation of the parties involved. Blame is an impulsive instinctual response to safeguard your self interests, avoid any admission of participation, total rejection of reality, invitation of strong denial, manipulation of truth, all done so you can escape responsibility. You might as well slap awareness to the face.
e. Fears. Recognize and accept that you have triggers from your recent past or childhood born from traumas. These triggers give your fears the power to shut down your logical brain completely. When your fears take over, the only language your brain speaks of is the worst negative outcomes. It does not understand reality, reasoning, strength, perception, problem solving, patience, happiness, nothing. You're reduced to your subconscious instinctive wired response to stress, which is run away. Your fears will make you do things, and think of things your conscious mind dream of. And all of this can be triggered by simple stress.
So when you experience fear, either start solving any reasoning problem, start analysing somebody's personality, because reasoning and analysis will restart your conscious brain. If you can't do that, simply acknowledge that these are your fears, which makes them impractical, imaginary, and a waste of time and energy.
2. Purpose: Make your goal the purpose of your life. By calling a vision for yourself, your purpose, you assign an identity driven seriousness which is very different from goals, and Carter's. The seriousness in purpose demands sacrifices, a schedule, management, planning, and execution. Which basically means you have to prioritize.
3. Social skills: Most people when they hear of social skills, delude themselves with images of being charming. You have watched enough movies, to not realize that it's a movie! Forget that image, acknowledge which field you are in, and what social skills as well as technical skills and knowledge it requires you to be impressive. There are two types of impressive: one is personality, and the other is work. Personality is viewed by subjective viewpoints of different people. The same personality will be impressive to some, and not to others. But work speaks for itself. If you have skills, knowledge and expertise that anyway separates you from others, people will bypass your personality.
Impress with your work. Because the want of people to like your personality, is again seeking approval and giving your self-worth in their hands.
They are strangers, to hell with their opinion of your personality. The aspect that you should work on is communication. Learn to speak the language well, articulation does create an impression of intelligence, and creates interest. If your English is weak, and you're too lazy, get yourself involved in paid lessons, so you can't leave. One of the best apps for that is cambly. It directly connects you with native English speakers, from America, England, Canada etc. These are teachers whose goal is to make you fluent. There are video sessions which you can take anytime of the day you want. If you want to speak a language fluently, then you have to have conversations in that language. The more conversations you have, the better your fluency becomes.
