Hello everyone.
Before I start with my regular rambling I want to thank few of my friends here who took time. Read my post and understood what I am going through and supported me emotionally. Yesterday, Indeed was a sad day for me. It made me look into who we are and made me wonder If there is any humanity left. And when I interacted with the 
That being said I am back to my former self and even better version, Better person with better plans. And I am back with another episode of the Friday Night Movie - Review. I may be better person than yesterday but my taste in movies still stinks to heaven.
Before I start. I think an apology is in order.
I watched the movie, I did. (inuke crying) I am sorry.
SPOILERS : Not worth the risk Man...
This movie needs no introduction. Actually it does need introduction. Considered to be the worst movie ever made. This is Manos: The hands of fate (1966). Written, Directed, Produced and Starring Harold P Warren. Now we all know how a movie where the director, producer, writer and star is the same person.
Now if I tell you that a family goes on a vacation and gets lost in a place where weird cult people are doing weird ritual stuff. That movie will definitely get placed in the horror genre. But my reason for this movie to get placed there may differ.
Manos : The hands of fate (BTW Manos is Spanish for Hands now you see!!! Mind-blown, right!!!). I see no problem with the plot. The plot is fine and actually better than the torture porn era. Eeeeish!! thank gods we phased out of that. So where did the film go wrong you may ask. The answer is everything else. Yes, Every possible thing that can go wrong goes wrong in this movie.
Remember when I said that this movie needs introduction. I said that because it starts from the starts, what I mean to say is that those were simpler times and no big logos at the beginning. But It got me worried that Maybe I am watching the movie which has been edited. So I tried different source and there too It just starts right away. I figured that’s the way it starts of-course why would the edited out version be in the archives.org. Yes the movies is available there (Please do watch, No please Save yourself).
The movies starts with random scenes of cars driving by on the mountain side for a couple of minutes and suddenly a car pulled over. Introducing the lead character Micheal (Played by the director) and his wives. (Oh sorry!!! I made the same mistake that movie did) his wife and daughter. They seem to have lost their way to a resort (I guess) and the wife and man started arguing. The man seemed to be confident and the first dialogue was “I have never gotten us this lost before”… ???
Now what you say to that. This movie is filled with gems like this. “where did the road go?”, “I am permanent.” Without context these makes no sense, But with context they still don’t. Its awful to sit through these dialogues. To make things worst the voice were added after the filming. Meaning major problem with lipsync. That is still okay, But when you hear the little girl speak. That’s when you hear a small ringing sound inside your head. That’s your sanity alarm going off. At that point I realized that this one will be difficult to get through. But I saddled up not going to give in so easily. The cops pull them over for broken tail light but they let them go as the family was getting late to their “first Vacation”.
When all of sudden the porno music start playing and you see a couple sucking each other faces. They drink and kiss. And they drink again. Adding no value to the movie but plays important role just like the cops. Because the movie cuts to them couple of times they they seemed to be smooching all the three time. (Morning, Evening and Late night).
So the family is lost and they ended up somewhere (Never specified in the movie) and asked a random person for the direction. That random person is Trogo. The was the caretaker of that hotel/ room/mansion.. eerrhh he was the caretaker of something while the master is away. And yes is how he introduce himself “I am the caretaker of this place, While the master is away.” Now he is the star of this movie. Its as if he doesn’t wanted to be there in the movie and wanted to get fired off the project so he showed up drunk. But the director couldn’t care less. He is the most funny part of the movie. He couldn’t stand up straight. Keeps repeating stuff and jumble words. Its as if the direction were ‘Be Zombie’. He is either too distracted or into the character. Who knows?
And then there is the Master and his wives. It is revealed that they hunt family kills the guys and keep the ladies as his wives. I think he has 6-7 wives and there is a scene where they fight in group 3vs3 while the family tries to escape them. You know what I am not going to lie This movie is a torture, but it made me laugh. Because everything is off about this movie. Each dialogue, scene, to performance. Even the musical score ranges from porno to you neighbours 6 year old kids playing banjo and trumpet.
I am inuke
I am not going to lie. This is really bizzare movie and tough to watch. I now know the true meaning of the phrase ‘felt like an eternity in hell.’
Fun fact: This is what happens when a director place a bet with a screenwriter that it is easy to make a horror movie. And then started to write down the script on a piece of napkin.
Now if you excuse me I have some painkillers and memory wiping pills to take.