Ann is my Mother & I love her dearly
Ann was born in Kent, in 1937, her elder brothers were Eric & Ron. Her mother mary was born in Paris & Father John from scotland. I dont know what Anns Father did to earn a living, but have the feeling they were quite wealthy, because they owned a large house and land
This photograph was taken in 1944, it is Ann, her brother Ron and cousin John. (just the fact they had a camera to take the photo,quite impressed me).
Not long after that photo had been taken, Mary died, leaving John with 3 children to care for. Marys death had an emense impact on Ann. Although everyone in the family were grieving in their own way, Ann had what we call today "Learning difficulties" and had great difficulty to feel the love she felt from her mother, from anyone else.This exasperated her problems and she became much more introvert. So John decided to keep Ann at home rather than send to school, so she could help around the house, so that what she did. Whilst Eric and Ron enjoyed going to school and also enjoying making friends there Ann stayed home & helped where she could. At this time John had also employed a house keeper.
A year later John has decided to Marry the housekeeper! John had also decided That Ann would be better in Residential Care! And that Eric and Ron would be going to Boarding school! So Ann was sent off to live in a childrens home, She was Nine years old. She had not long burried her loving mother, the only person who could really connect with her. Her " learning difficulties" were now more obvious than ever before....In Anns mind she had decided to make the most of her lot, try to get along with everyone who came into her life now, which was a lot of people since it was a large childrens home, so lots of new children to try to get to know as well as The Adult carers. Meanwhile Ann was also aware that the "Housekeeper" had Two daughters, and Ann had taken it in her mind it was these two daughters were to blame for her being put in care, she thought her Father would never have done this to her, if the housekeeper had no children.
Ann survived the childrens home as best she could, and never really talked much about her time there later in life, what she did tell me though was that she met someone whilst she was there and had a "relationship" with him, and through this relationship she got pregnant. Beacuse Ann lived in the childrens home and was under 21 the Child was taken away from her at birth. Devestating Ann, who was now 20 years old.
The child was a boy! Ann had, had a son, to herself she named him john after her Father. And held them in her heart for ever along with her Mum. She never saw Johns father again, although she did tell me he worked there!?!
Eventually Ann was old enough to leave the childrens home, and managed to get a room to rent in a boarding house & also got a job in a canteen in the factory near by. She had settled in to her new life yet again, she loved her work & home, she made friends and her closest friend was Betty Mac, a lady she always spoke fondly of. Bearing in mind Anns learning difficulties, this was no mean fete, she was doing well. (With help she could have achieved a lot more, and have lived a lot healthier, but she was being independant, being incontrol of herself for the first time ever...making her own decisions, she was happy.
Whilst working in the canteen one day she met Gordon, he had forgotten his money and couldnt pay so Ann payed for him. It was a friendship which blossomed into love. Soon Gordon asked her to Marry him & she said yes! After getting Married Ann returned with Gordon to live at her Mother in Laws house, Ann loved her Mother in Law Mary from the start & was welcomed in as part of the family, Gordon was one of twelve children, so it was a large lively atmosphere most of the time, Ann was in her element and thought of the family as much her own brothers and sisters as Gordons. Realising that she was pregnant again, she told Gordon about what had happened last time & he assured her that they are married and will keep this baby and be a family. Although He couldnt read and write very well, Ann knew gordon loved her and that he was a hard worker and would take care of her and the baby.
The baby was born! It was a girl so they named her Mary after both her grandmothers. Ann finally had chance to hold her baby and be a mother......My Mum .....
This photo is from my christening! My Mum Ann is in the centre (With white hat on) not sure who the lady holding me is, My Dad Gordon is standing proudly next to mum, next to dad on the other side of him is Betty Mac mums friend. Mums brother Ron is stood next to aunty maureen his wife (Black hat).
When Younger and her brothers had been sent to boarding school, they both had fantastic educations, and afterwards Ron became a Pilot with the RAF and Eric became a photographer, he had his most popular photos whilst at the daily mirror news paper...
Two years later Ann was pregnant again, and had named her baby Paula Jane long before sure was due, Anns life was at risk when delivering, and heart breakingly Paula Jane was still born. Ann had a nervous breakdown afterwards and suffered so much pain.
Life had to go on, I was a little girl who needed her Mummy and eventually she was back and could see me for me and not all she had lost.
My Mum did not teach me to read & write or to sing & dance, like I would see other parents do. But she taught me to talk honestly & frank. She taught me to watch for emotions be close when needed and to stand back too sometimes...she taught me to be me, she always tried to teach me patience that she had in abundance, but it never quite rubbed off haha.
My mum never judged she would always encourage me.
Dad died of Cancer and again heartbreak, I had already left home a few years before, and it hurt to see mum going home alone & living alone, but I knew she would be ok, so had to let her live her life and me live mine, although always in close contact with each other.
Mum decided to move into sheltered accomodation, which was a great relief to me as a warden was on call & Mum could still maintain her independance. After living there for a couple of years she met a man and he asked her to marry him. They were married a few years and Mum decided she wanted her independance back so they divorced. Another 6-7 years passed and Mum met another Man & Married him! They were together for 12 years untill again Mum wanted to be alone again. so she did, she got a new flat and started all over again. but soon after Parkinsons disease crept up on her and a few months later she was wheelchair bound.
At this stage we had a very serious conversation about nursing homes, She swore at me and told me in no uncertain terms, that she will never go into a care home again & no will ever make her!!! I know why and would never do this to her, we hugged and cried and I promised....she told me she wanted to die in her own home and not in care when the time came. I swore to uphold that promise.
Mum loved going out, wether it be a meal shopping or just a stroll, we went out as much as possible together & mum used days centers and days out so had quite a good social life.
God took Mum, May bank holiday, nearly 4 months ago....I miss her.
I keep waiting for her to come to me in a dream, I keep thinking its not hitting me because I am not an emotional wreck and crying all the time. I am not crying and it is confusing me? it brings to my mind the foot prints poem...
I think mums patientence has a hold of me, and is carrying me through, untell I am ready to grieve for her myself. At the moment I am just in awe of my mum and hope she dealt with life in general, always positive, always willing to help, always a smile. And every time something didnt go right she instantly dusted her self down and started again.
