I feel the need to preface this journal with a kind of “Don’t try this at home!” (especially on your own) statement. This was a deep spiritual experience, and fortunately I do have some knowledge about creating sacred spaces and eliminating the bad energies which I purged. Doses as high as this should be conducted with an experienced shaman or facilitator, or at the very least a trip sitter - someone sober to make sure you do not cause yourself any physical damage - Luckily I only came out of this with a few bruises! With that out of the way, here is my account of what happened.
The weekend following the Munich Ayahuasca retreat I had a fresh batch of mushrooms. I was excited to try them out, but the last couple of times I had taken 5g or so, hardly anything had happened. They were from an older batch but I had taken some with a friend who had a great time on them, so I was quite certain they hadn’t lost psilocybin, and therefore convinced I had become tolerant to them. I used a dowsing pendulum to ask what my ideal dose was for what I had wanted to achieve. It came back with 8g. I interpreted this as essentially 3g, since the 5g hadn’t done very much. It turned out I had misinterpreted this completely! :D
I ground the mushrooms down and poured some apple cider vinegar over the mix and left them for about 45 minutes. This method is known as lemon-tekking. Adding lemon juice or another acidic substance to the mix converts psilocybin to psilocin (4-HO-DMT) the active psychedelic ingredient within the body. This conversion usually takes place more slowly with stomach acid, but this process essentially makes you peak earlier and higher with a slightly lesser total duration of the trip.
Fortunately I had learned a method for opening and closing a sacred space for entering such unearthly realms. I tidied my space, sage-smoked the entire house and had my oil diffuser on with Frankincense, Myrrh and Jasmine. I set my music up as a playlist on Spotify. It began with an album I had recently discovered called 2018 The Most Mindful Music by Meditative Mind. It was a great intro album. This was of course followed by Sphongle’s Nothing lasts but nothing is lost, and then a compilation album called Psymeditation 2 by Perpetual Loop.
Within 15 minutes of drinking the acidicly induced brew mixed with water, I began to feel something. By 40 minutes I was beginning to get some interesting visuals, and it felt better to lay down than to stay sat up. I went for a tactical toilet break and then came back downstairs to relax. For a short while, I had again thought that not much was going to happen, but I noticed how much I had been enjoying the Mindfulness music. Then it came out of nowhere, fast and strong.
I had been lying on a flat futon in my lounge by a window, and as the magic medicine began to course through my synapses I felt the urge to move around a little. First from my back onto my front. I then remember writhing off of the futon and on to a rug on the floor adjacent to it.
My memory from this point for the next hour or two is rather hazy, so I will attempt to summarise some of the things that occurred.
Throughout this time my spirit had taken over my body again. Whenever I let go my body was moving itself in ways it needed to, in order to release unwanted energies. I felt intense energies moving through me and building up into a peak like a massive release was about to occur. I was making some crazily loud primordial style noises, and stupidly worried if anybody could hear me from outside or through the walls and what they would think. It was a hot summer’s day, and I had the back door and all of the windows open. I knew this was part of the lesson I needed to take heed of, and I embraced it a little bit but could not fully let go. The energy would build up in perfect synchronicity with the music at times as the music itself peaked. But then, although I felt some energy escape from my mouth, the massive purge of vomit I had expected to come out never did.
I had sensibly dragged a bucket out from the cupboard under my kitchen sink to collect any purges. It was full of cobwebs and dirt, however.
I was writhing around on the floor for a long time. There were many spiritual lessons I was being taught. Situations where my mind would normally interrupt and carry out a pre-programmed behaviour, I was instead letting go of. There was a generic lesson of surrender throughout the whole trip. At one point I knocked a glass of water over the laminate flooring in my lounge and my first instinct was that I needed to clear up the mess, but instead I embraced it. I crawled over to it and layed down in the puddle face-first. It actually felt quite good.
I also had my hand in the filthy bucket at one point. I had this feeling within myself that none of it was actually real, so none of it really mattered - I was just spirit having a physical experience.
The spirit within me caused me to groan and make some weird and wonderful noises. The rodent style shrieking exhibited from my mouth in earlier Ayahuasca experiences was back again as I released negative energies. I also made noises that sounded like laughing but were not. I sensed some relief as the Mindfulness music ended and Sphongle came on. I knew the music would be a little louder and may disguise my noises to local eavesdroppers. I was building up to something massive - the kind of energy I had experienced on my last Bufo trip but within at least a semi-conscious state of awareness. There was going to be an explosion of energy emitting out of me. Part of me wanted it to happen. That part of me knew it would have resolved some of my innermost problems. But I knew it would be loud, and I was worried about somebody local knocking on my door having heard it to check on me, - there is no way I could have faced anybody in this state. What if someone called the police to report a disturbance? So I think part of me therefore resisted it and it never actually happened. I do think I had made at least some progress with it though.
This and similar things must have been happening for 1.5 to 2 hours. For the last half an hour or so, I had been contemplating getting myself out of the situation. It was a difficult decision to make. I felt like I was running away in a sense. I wasn’t scared that much. I didn’t panic as many would in this situation - I knew that would have made things infinitely worse. But I just had this feeling that it would be sensible to ground myself - after all I hadn’t bargained for such a deep spiritual process when I initially consumed the shrooms.
I remembered being sat on the toilet when I finally decided to get myself out of the situation. I was thinking about all the things I could do, and then I began to implement them.
I made some instant coffee, even though I hate coffee. I had some 10mg CBD lozenges in my cupboard. I took at least 3 of them sublingually. I even took a half dose of MDMA as I knew that it would compete with the psilocyn for access to my serotonin receptors. I knew smoking something would also probably help - for goodness’ sake not weed though! :D I had a herb somewhere known as Wild Dagga I had bought as a mild destressor since I quit cannabis, but I could not find it anywhere - I was not in the best state to find anything. In the end I smoked some raspberry leaf. It was actually a raspberry leaf “tea” but I used to use it as a mixer with cannabis to help the joint smoke better. I loaded my pipe with it and chonged away - it really helped! I was coming down slowly but not enough - I was still very much in process. The next time I was upstairs in the bathroom, I suddenly realised a shower would be a good idea. It helped to ground me more than you could possibly imagine.
I continued with everything possible I could think of to ground myself, I sage-smoked the entire house again, and shook my rattle too, to break up of the energies I had released.
Slowly but surely I was in a position where I could think a little clearer and the haze had shifted. I still had pupils the size of dinner plates but at least I was in a position to maneuver myself back into physical reality.
As my thinking became clearer I couldn’t help but giggle at what I had just put myself through. I never expected that from mushrooms. I had had one or two slightly spiritual experiences and had even purged on mushrooms before, but this was something else. It was like my most intense Ayahuasca experience multiplied by 10. I wondered whether the fact I had only consumed Ayahuasca the previous weekend played into this or not.
I was still pretty wired until about 1am. I slept for about 6 hours and the following day I was exhausted. I then noticed I had bruises over my face, on my chin and on my back and my ribs. I wasn’t sure how this had happened. It must have been when I conceded control of my body to my spirit downstairs on the laminate flooring.
For the last few nights or so since this epic ordeal I have woken up in the night and had mini healing processes - a residue from the experience if you will. This has happened to me before following Ayahuasca and Bufo experiences. I quite enjoy them as I know I am making progress with my healing. One such example I can provide is this: One morning recently, I woke up an hour earlier than I needed to to get ready for work and decided to meditate. Following the meditation I laid back down again with one hand on my heart and one on my abdomen and focused my intentions positively. Completely randomly, the hand on my heart fluttered all by itself. I then took a sharp breath in and purged some energy out via my breath!
It will probably be a couple of months before I delve into mushrooms again. I’m not afraid to high dose again, but I will require a much safer environment, away from the prying ears of the general public!