I was working on a song for this week's Open Mic while my friend sat in the other room. She was hanging out, not really paying attention to what I was doing. I noticed myself feeling self-conscious as I plucked and sang through the chords, working out the tune.
I wasn't nervous about being heard - after so many years, I'm mostly past that. I felt awkward in case I was bugging my friend, since I'm crashing on her couch for a week until my new apartment opens up.
A guy needs to practice, but I try to be as non-annoying as possible whenever I'm crashing at somebody's place.
Epiphany
I noticed my focus shifting. While focusing on my feelings of anxiousness, my song performance went onto autopilot.
I consciously dragged the focus back to my own singing, listening to myself to get more in tune. I could hear my voice, the notes against the chords, and felt myself shifting into a better, more tuneful vocal delivery.
Then - the anxiety ebbed back into my brain, I began to feel annoying again (for no real reason, mind - I know it's cool to practice for 30 minutes) - and the focus shifted away from the performance again.
I could feel that whenever the self consciousness kicked in, my focus shifted away from where it needed to be. And in that moment, I realized the true curse of anxiety as a musician - you can't hear yourself. Every anxious thought distracts from the ability to disappear into the music and PLAY.
How to Be Less Self Conscious
Of course it's not easy to just "stop feeling nervous." But, life isn't fair, and it's good to recognize this kind of stuff. I now can see how important it is to find my inner confidence, bravado, even a bit of cockiness so that I can stay within myself and play at my best level.
I suspect other musicians may experience something similar. What do you think? Does self consciousness interfere with your ability to play, and if so, how you do work through that?
Let's talk about it in the comments - I'd love to hear your thoughts.
