Why "Centuries" by Fall Out Boy is the Worst Song in the World

For the last year I've been forced to listen to this piece of garbage song at my gym. Being a musician, I've listened to a wide variety of music. I've been picky in the past, but as I've matured I've learned to at least respect music I didn't like and hold my tongue when I felt like attacking superficial, corporate pop crap.

However, this annoying piece of brain melting, puke inducing, steaming pile of trash song, I could not ignore any longer, and I must vent my anger by telling the world why it is stupid and why we should release our hate on the smelly-butt-licking cretins that released it upon the world to torment rational people.

First, I will dissect the song and point out how incredibly, offensively stupid it is, and then why anyone who wrote it must be a greedy, lazy, cynical, selfish d-bag good-for-nothing who does not care about us or music in the slightest.

Let's dig into this festering shitpile, shall we?

The first thing I noticed when I first heard it, as I went from thinking, "What is this song?", to "Wow this is bad", to "Is this for real?", to "I want to shoot myself", was that it is the most annoyingly monotonous song in history. Consider:

1. There are 79 lines in the song.
2. Only 28 are different.
3. 65% of the song is repetition
4. 65% of the song is repetition
5. Of the three and a half minutes of the song, two and a half are the exact same horrible, meaningless, ear-splitting, lyrics and music.

I compared this to the most repetitious pop crap song I could think of, Call Me Maybe. "Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, so please shoot me...", you know the one. It is 64% repetition. Centuries wins by a small turd.

Now, at least the chorus in Call me maybe is catchy and doesn't make you suicidal until you've heard it 100 times. Centuries' chorus is absolutely terrible. The melody is terrible, the voice is terrible, and it ends on a grating high note that could break glass. Not beautiful crystal type glass, but like a dirty old coke bottle at the bottom of a landfill glass that a vagrant pissed in. I hate it. It sounds like that scene in Dumb and Dumber where Jim Carrey is making the most annoying sound in the world.

Now we must brace ourselves for we are about to read insultingly stupid words that make no sense. These were unbelievably, intentionally written, and Fall Out Boy actually claims they are meaningful lyrics that are written to "make the kind of weird kids feel better". What pretentious pricks. Self-serving greedy bastards who will say or sing anything for a dollar. I say this because though the song is completely idiotic, these people can't be complete idiots. They know it's bad. They are lying over and over during interview after interview through their veneered teeth, and giving music a bad name in the process. At least when the rest of us are greedy we don't pretend that we're gracing the world with art that "helps the kids".

I will take pity on you and only type out the original lines, no repeated lines.

Some legends are told
some turn to dust or to gold
but you will remember me
Remember me for centuries
and just one mistake
is all it will take
we'll go down in history
remember me for centuries
He-e-e-ey, oh he-e-e-ey
He-e-e-ey a
remember me for centuries

mummified my teenage dreams
No, it's nothing wrong with me
The kids are all wrong
The storys all off
Heavy metal broke my heart

Come on come on and let me in
The bruises on your thighs like my fingerprints
and this is supposed to match
The darkness that you felt
I never meant for you to fix yourself

and I can't stop 'til the whole world knows my name
Cause I was only born inside my dreams
Until you die for me, as long as there's a light, my shadow's over you
Cause I, I am the opposite of amnesia
And youre a cherry blossom
Youre about to bloom
You look so pretty but you're gone so soon

Weve been here forever
and here's the frozen proof
I could scream forever
We are the poisoned youth

A song typically expresses a feeling and tells a story. I'll give you an example. Katy Perry's Firework. It's not even a great song. It's corporate pop, it's generic, but guess what, it's at least coherent. Here's a sampling:

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in
Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Wow, it makes sense, it's about telling a depressed person that they can get undepressed. Trying to be uplifting. It's got a metaphorical theme that makes sense. It doesn't go into much detail and it's not particularly original, but it's alright. When compared to Centuries it looks like Shakespeare.

So here in Centurie$, who is telling the story and who is he telling it to? Obviously he wants to be remembered. For what we'll never know. "Hey remember that guy that wanted to be remembered? Yeah. Want to go catch a movie? Sure." Here is all he says about himself:

1. There's nothing wrong with him
2. Heavy metal broke his heart
3. He never meant "for you to fix yourself"
4. He can't stop til the whole world knows his name
5. He was born inside his dreams
6. He's been here forever
7. He could scream forever
8. He's the poisoned youth
9. He's the opposite of amnesia

Man that's stupid. First thing he says is there's nothing wrong with him. He goes on to say that heavy metal broke his heart and also that he's poisoned youth. So there is something wrong with him, he's got a broken heart and he's poisoned. Liar. How does heavy metal break your heart? Someone try to explain that to me. He's poisoned "youth", yet he's been here forever. He can't stop til the world knows his name. Well this song is his chance to tell the world his name. Does he? No. Idiot. He was born inside his dreams. Your dreams are made up of memories and experiences of your past, so saying you were born in them is figuratively stupid, and obviously literally impossible. He never meant for "you" to fix yourself. Asshole. He could scream forever. Now that I could almost believe. However, the whole thing about remembering for centuries and doing stuff forever is stupid because, as everyone over 8 years of age knows, nothing lasts forever and no one lives for centuries.

"Opposite of amnesia" - this is the line where they try to show they're creative and clever. Oooooh opposite of amnesia, which makes your forget, is something that makes you remember. Genius. Grade-F.

Now, who is he talking to? He says you a number of times, and also says "we" a few times. Let's see what we know about "you" and "we"

1. One mistake and we'll go down in history
2. "You" has bruises on their thighs
3. They felt darkness
4. They fixed themselves
5. They are a cherry blossom about to bloom
6. They are pretty but not for long
7. I guess also poisoned youth

I just have to point this out first, this person cannot be a blossom and also "about to bloom". A blossom has already bloomed you bottom-feeding dolt. And mistake? What mistake? The one about the bloom? It's mentioned once with zero detail.

Look I just can't do this anymore, I'm done thinking about these lazy, probably-written-in-5-minutes-between-doing-lines-of-coke-lyrics, hopefully you've gotten the point. Now let's look at the people responsible for this travesty.

Writers: Joseph Mark Trohman, Jonathan Rotem, Peter Wentz, Andrew John Hurley, Patrick Martin Stumph, Suzanne Vega, Justin Tranter, Michael Fonesca, Raja Kumari

Well, Joe Trohman, Peter Wentz, Patrick Stump, and Andy Hurley are the members of Fall Out Boy.

They're super serial, guys. Left to right - Ernie, Bert, Man-child, Unabomber.

This is Jonathan Rotem, obviously a neanderthal that points at his own abs in pictures.

Suzanne Vega

She has absolutely never played guitar sitting in a window like that. This picture is contrived bullshit to market her "brand". Fake corporate crap that she willingly submitted to. Pretentious or cowardly at best.

However it must be noted that she didn't participate in the song Centuries. Centuries sampled her song, Tom's Diner, which is about you guessed it, sitting in a diner that happens to be the one in Seinfeld, and it's also a stupid song. Not remotely close to as terrible as Centuries though.

Justin Tranter, on his way to write songs for Nick Jonas.

I can't find anything about Michael Fonseca. I can only guess that he was the one guy that regretted this crime so much he erased all trace of his existence. Good job buddy. We will not remember him for centuries. Or even for the 3 years the song has been out.

Raja Kumari

I would like to know what her contribution was to this one dimensional fart of a song was. I can't imagine. It's not like this song has any layers or musical creativity either. The music has about as much complexity as a fart you make intentionally weak because you're in public.

That's right, it took nine people to write this song. What. the. hell. Like I said, they can't be stupid enough to think it's any good, so they must just be greedy, superficial jerks or too weak-willed to stand up and put a stop to this massive kick to our collective faces of a song.

Ok, well I feel better having gotten that off my chest. Joseph Mark Trohman, Jonathan Rotem, Peter Wentz, Andrew John Hurley, Patrick Martin Stumph, Suzanne Vega, Justin Tranter, Michael Fonesca, and Raja Kumari: You should be ashamed of yourselves, you have left a grimy poopstain on the tapestry of musical history, and the only thing you've got going in your favor is that you and your stinking song will not be remembered for centuries, because newsflash - it is impossible for anything to be remembered for centuries, idiots. At least not in any way that someone cares about. Here's a slightly adjusted quote from Adam Sandler that fits here perfectly:

At no point in your rambling, incoherent [song] were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Rant over. If anyone can convince me that this song has a valid point and makes it clearly I will give you 50SBD.