Greetings citizens of the internet, to his great misfortune this somber knight ended up in the company of his mother looking at the spectacle known as Eurovision. In order to get out of the situation with some sort of gain I had to write down my takes on the songs. I had to, in order to get through it... Hopefully none of them shall remain in my brains beyond this late night of screeching noises.
What follows is some first impressions in no particular order on the participants of the show:
Albania: The lady of destiny explaining to me that I now have to watch all the Eurovision songs, this is my life know, this is my karma.
Belgium: The feeling of watching Eurovision, you are at the wrong place and the smiling people makes you want to cry.
Spain: Voice capacity overload.
Norway: Explaining how much of a victim you are to a toddler.
Finland: Lordi soft reboot.
Bulgaria: Young woman understands she isn't a child anymore, somehow evokes emotion.
Moldova: The perfect housewife except she can't sing.
Germany: Saintly McSaint who has cut off his ability to feel anger, he prefers being sad anyways.
Portugal: A time traveler who tragically ends up on the stage at Eurovision, he will now find Maroon 5 and claim the rights to his voice.
Israel: Screeching about wanting to get out of a shelter in Tel Aviv.
Russia: The communist revolution is behind us, time for the feminist revolution!
Malta: Sassy but not classy.
Serbia: Charlies angels-themed striptease where the ladies chatter about what shopping mall they are going to visit after work.
United Kingdom: It's about trying to breathe and always somehow being the center of attention in any room.
Iceland: A honest nerd admitting to himself he won't ever get cooler but that won't stop him from flirting! I can respect that.
Italy: An angry gay teenager shouting about how cringe his parents are.
Netherlands: BLM without the violence or any sense of urgency.
France: A sincere Karen complaining at your office, forcing you to work overtime.
Cyprus: Why shouldn't she give her heart to el diablo? YOLO Lady!
Azerbadjan: A godless liar and a dangerous lover, chanting her devotion to some demon named Mahtahari.
Ukraine: Some insane drug junkies trying to argue with you.
Sweden: A severely schizophrenic guy trying to conduct an African rain dance.
San Marino: A lady in a romantic relationship with her electronic appliances.
In conclusion: I did like Spain and Norway but other than that the show is horrible and I can't see myself suffering through this next year. If you suffered too I hope I could offer you some humor in this dark time.
First the great decline in crypto prices and now this evening, what a week....