Unhealthy Attachments

When I was younger I used to become attached to people in an unhealthy way.
I didn't know or understand during that time that I was doing it as an attempt to fill the emptiness that was inside of me.
I felt incomplete and I was looking for someone to "complete" me.
Each failed relationship left me shattered, devastated and broken because it left me feeling like an empty void or a shell of a person.

I wrote Awakening after a failed relationship with someone who was a bit older. The age difference always bothered him and I had a feeling he would be ending our relationship.
He was the only person who ever actually gave me parting gifts before breaking up with me. One day he came over to my place and brought a computer, a futon, and a huge glass table.
A few days later he ended things. lol

The Missing Piece

Around this time of my life, a friend gave me a book called
The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein.
On the surface I understood its meaning regarding retaining an independent identity and looking within yourself to find happiness, but I still did not fully internalize how much I really needed to understand the meaning of this book and its direct relationship to how I was during that time of my life.
I often think about this book and I'm thankful for my friend who gave it to me.
Our minds are funny that way in that sometimes others can so easily see what we fail to see within ourselves.

Awakening

On the surface, Awakening may seem like just a break-up song, but it really was the catalyst for changing my life.
At the time, I still didn't understand the psychology behind my unhealthy attachments, but I knew I needed to change by creating my own happiness instead of looking to others to create happiness within me.
I also knew that I needed a sense of purpose.
I got a cat, bought a guitar, a keyboard, a bass, a computer, and built a small recording studio.

Still not understanding my tendency toward extremes, I did end up swinging in the opposite direction. I spent all my time working on music which completely fulfilled my sense of purpose and happiness, but I didn't leave room for anything else.
I unintentionally built up a wall when it came to other people. I didn't need them anymore to be happy or to fill an empty void that was inside of me.
I no longer had unhealthy attachments or obsessive and overly intense feelings when it came to others, but I also often felt nothing at all.
I've been working on finding emotional balance ever since that time.

Awakening

I can't believe I let you hold me down
I hung around
Was lost, then found
How you lied to me with every chance you could
You were never there for me
This is how our story ends
Now tell me
How does it feel to be alone?
How does it feel to only care about yourself?
How does it feel to be as lonely as you wanted to be?
Do you even feel at all?
I don't know
'Cuz you were never there for me at all
I didn't think that you would treat me like you would
'Cuz I thought you were meant for me
And you seem to think you're so misunderstood
But you know you were never there for me
How does it feel to be alone?
How does it feel to only care about yourself?
How does it feel to be as low as you can possibly be?
Did you ever feel anything at all?
I don't know
'Cuz you were never there for me at all
And if this is where our story ends
Then it's where another one begins