How very hard. There's never an easy solution once the hole is dug. But there is help out there if you are willing to accept it and remove that negative part of your life. You deserve happiness and your son will see your fake happiness as an example of love and real life. Be strong and fight for your own respect. You deserve to be treated with honor and gentleness. If he really loves his Son he wouldnt disrespect and abuse his mom, thats not a real Man and its not NORMAL or Acceptable. Jesus treated all woman as gifts to be cherished and respected.