The fact that this write up is in the 21st century means a lot of the young people reading this will consider it fiction and ancient folklore. But in reality, some of the events recorded here occurred a little more than a decade ago and in some remote rural settings they are still considered traditional norm and culture.
Over time, the African woman has been subjected to a lot of unwise and inhumane treatment in the name of culture; from vaginal mutilation (circumcision) to relegation to the kitchen. It is a direct result of this appalling cultural framework that made the President of Nigeria say his wife belonged to “His kitchen, his living room and the other room (bedroom).
In this regard we should be grateful for globalization. Our eyes in Africa has somewhat been opened to the fact that women can be as mentally sound as men in decision making. Thanks to globalization, women can now conveniently hold political offices in Africa; something that is practically missing in our African tradition. In the African tradition, women can only lead women. The women are relegated to the fringes of the society where their only roles are to give birth to children and cook for the house hold. So yes, we thank God for globalization.
Sometimes ago, I was at the Ministry of Women Affairs in Benin City and one of their directors who happens to be a woman made a comment that enlightened me on how much African women have been marginalized and oppressed in the name of traditions and customs. She was referring to a woman who had issues with the husband and she said “there are places where these men would sit, and no woman no matter her status, education or prowess can enter”. She said this just to emphasize the fact that women in Africa are subordinate to men.
I love our African customs and traditions, I love the order and morality it brings and I am super loyal to it. But far be it from me not to speak up when our beloved culture cause more harm than good.
At some point in the history of Nigeria, only male children were sent to school; it was considered a waste of resources to send a female child to school and then marry her out to a man. The purpose of the woman was to get married and produce babies for the man. The female child would suffer this in her fathers house.
Her husband’s house doesn’t bring her much succor either. She has to be circumcised, I mean mutilated so that she does not love sex. Understand what happens here please; the most sensitive parts of the woman’s vagina (the clitoris) is cut off because it was assumed that if that was not done then she would crave sex so much and her husband would not be able to satisfy her. They so imprinted it into their mindset that even the women were happy to get mutilated. I have listened to stories about the glory of female circumcision and all I could do was shake my head and wished our fathers knew better.
A man is supposed to love his wife and vice versa. Maybe there was love but the sad thing about the African marriage is that the man is allowed to cheat on his wife and even marry as many wives as he wants but it becomes an abomination when a woman cheats. She has to face the shame, disgrace and penalty whereas the more wives a man has, the more manly he is considered.
Women could not be a part of the political order of the day. It was assumed that their brains were not developed enough to handle such decision making or that their emotions always got in the way of reason and so in the political set up they were relegated; puppets who do whatever the men decide.
The list is as long as the shores of Africa. The woman is considered the property of the husband. And in some cultures, at the demise of her husband she is shared as part of the property to either his first son or one of his brothers.
Thank God, most of us cannot relate to this. It means there is a massive change in the scheme of things. Our women have helped us build this continent and they deserve as much credit as our men.
This is dedicated to all the strong African women.