This is part 3 of my thread on the love of my life
Once the confusion cleared from my mind I finally understood something about relationships and people. We all want to be recognized in one way or another and that we all want the same thing: someone to accept us for who we are.
After Thabiso did his best to convince me about the right move I made I still had the awkward sensation in my mind about how much of a failure I was when it came to her. I tried to look around for any adult intervention into my life crisis and there is not one adult around to help me in this. What is this? Jump into the deep and pray you don't sink? Where are all the adults who are meant to give us guidance in this life?
When break time came to it's quick conclusion it was now time to go back to class. Funny thing about the next class is that Rori's in it. We both do Geography together and she sits five seats back to my right-hand side so I can't steal a little peak now that she's way behind.
Would you like to know what goes on in the mind of an insecure teenager who is slowly developing anxiety issues? Just ask the quiet guy/girl who keeps to themselves most of the time.
When you're in a social hierarchy state like high school you tend to be classified according to your social class and in our high school this is how it was all broken down:
- Jocks - the guys/girls who were built a little more than the average teenager. These guys displayed a lot more aggression and high testosterone, the girls developed pretty quickly too having larger cup sizes and thunder thighs
- Semi-jocks - the guys/girls who hung around the Jocks, became mostly popular by association
- Nerds - the book-smart people who like to hang around the classrooms and library
- Drifters - the ones who don't know where they fit in because they feel so isolated from the trends that the school seems to follow
- Trendies - the ones who are up-to-date on the latest gossip and trends both in school and out of it
- Everybody else.
I fall into the Drifters section, kind of like being in a group but at the same time I kind of don't like being in a group. Rori is at the top of the food chain at this point, I mean; wow.
Do I consider myself a man if I don't act on my emotions and just tell her how I feel? What makes a man, a man? Why do I have so many questions that no one seems to want to answer? Who can give me guidance in this life?
So the class ends and it's still fresh into the year with things kicking off with homework assignments being handed out and cliques starting to get stronger as new connections are forged. I like to keep my circle small you know, the more the circle the bigger the drama, not speaking from experience but from learning from other people's mistakes.
As I get used to the people around I start to make new connections too, I have a fair mixture of guys and girls that I associate with during class and we get along, I can't complain. Still wish I could associate with Rori though.
After the lesson ends it's all pretty standard, we pack our books and stationary and head to the next class. This happens repeatedly until the end of the day when school's finally over. Over break time we had arranged to hang out at the local store before we go home with Thabiso and a few other people, it's meant to get us all acquainted with each other.
"Meh", I thought. Why not? I have nothing better to do anyway.
About three streets away there's a small shopping centre that has a:
- Video Rental Store
- Adult Entertainment Store
- Local supermarket with arcade games (where we always hung around)
- Big convenience store
There are 7 of us in total, 4 guys and 3 girls, the guys put money together and bought everyone some fried potato chips from the local supermart and talk about our experiences at the school. The supermart has these wooden benches here's how they look:
As we're all sitting around this bench talking more and more students are coming to the supermart to play the arcade games and buy miscellaneous things.
Here comes the queen of my kingdom, I see her walking up the stairs surrounded by her hive like she was walking into a slow motion scene from a movie. I can't help myself, neither can any of the guys at the table. One idiot makes a loud noise and catcalls her and now we look like absolute creeps as she looks our way.
What could be worse than this? Just earlier today I creeped her out and she forgave me and a few hours later here I am yet again at the center of an awkward situation as she looks our way with disgust. Why is the world so cruel? Why do things have to keep happening like this?
Now I mentioned there are 7 of us:
- Me
- Thabiso
- Yolanda
- Sbu
- Thato
- Simphiwe
- John (the cat calling douche)
John almost got the beating of his life by one of the guys walking with Rori and I was not about to get involved in defending someone who just took me down a few notches on the 'Rori might like me scale' so I was about to let things happen naturally.
Well, he didn't get a beating though, just apologized for being so rude.
So the mood got back to festivities straight after they left and we all started laughing. I noticed though that they naturally allowed my the freedom to make decisions and they would follow my train of thought without complaint - this made me a little uncomfortable because I don't know what I want yet and this group of people are placing their expectations onto my shoulders for something they should decide for themselves, I'm not ready for that type of commitment though. But I did start a good friendship with a good group of people from that day though.
I still haven't spoken to Rori, what's wrong with me! Why am I so afraid!
part 4 coming next