Have you ever had a memorable teacher? You know the one that always sticks in your memory and you always tell the story at a BBQ or over a few beers.
Well here is one of my stories about a Principal I had back in my high school days.
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'Flick' Patterson
Mr Patterson, or ‘Flick’ Patterson as we called him, was our school Principal. He was an interesting chap who was close to retirement when I first started high school.
He was a burly older gent with a long bushy beard and always wore those khaki type shorts with the long socks that were so ‘trendy’ for teachers to wear back in the 80’s and 90’s. He was an active member of the local rowing club and used to coach all the new boys and girls and teach them how to row. He had given a large portion of his life to blooding new rowers for that club.
Mr Patterson came about his nickname due to his unusual antics on school assemblies.
As a year 7 student in high school, you were always sitting at the front, so got to see ‘Flicks’ antics up close and personal from day 1 of the school year.
Mr Patterson used so stand up in assembly and give the longest, most boring snore-fest speeches to conclude each assembly. All the while he would be picking his nose and would then proceed to roll the little boogers he had dug out into his beard. On occasion, whilst rolling said boogers, some cheeky little chap would be talking whilst he was so he would quickly ‘flick’ his fingers and point towards the student not paying attention.
In doing so, a booger would projectile into the audience of students and everyone would duck for cover. Every time he flicked towards a student he would yell out ‘You there’. As soon as you heard this you would instinctively duck you head. It was always amusing and hence the nickname, ‘Flick’ Patterson.
The 'Ball-bag' Incident
Mr Patterson also found himself with another nickname before the end of my first year of high school was out. Why, well that is a good question and the story is somewhat disturbing for me to remember and regurgitate here.
As our rowing coach, ‘Flick’ would sometimes sit in the little coxswain seat and coach us from there. He was always suited up in his skivvy and a pair of old footy shorts that were an obvious few sizes too small for him. Here we were, little stick figures, trying to pull this big hunk of old guy through the water, sometimes against an outgoing tide.
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One day as ‘flick’ was giving us instructions, we looked towards him and, to my disgust, noticed something poking out the side of his shorts. That’s right, staring back at me was two wrinkly old testes…..
Now we did everything within our power not to vomit/laugh/jump straight out of the boat and unfortunately I will never forget that sight.
Straight to school after the early morning training we went and by the end of the day everyone around the school had heard of the ‘ball-bag incident’.
Hence the new nickname started – ‘Ball-bag Flick’.
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The Strip-Jack Naked Club
Later that year at the annual Year 7 camp, me and a few of the boys decided that we would start the ‘Strip-Jack naked club’ in our cabin. Well that went down like a lead balloon with the teachers, and we didn’t get any takers from the female students either which was also a bit of a downer.
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First day back at school and we all got marched up to Mr Patterson’s office for 5 of the best. I sat waiting patiently for my turn as each of my mates came out of the office holding their hands in pain. In I went, a little scared and began to hold out my hand waiting for the sound of that whipping cane to come down heavily on my outstretched hand.
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But, that wasn’t to be the case that day. You see, I had a big rowing regatta on the weekend and old ‘Flick’ kindly pointed out to me that it would impede my rowing ability if I got some lashes that day. So I left, with the biggest grin on my face, straight to brag to my mates who were not impressed at all. Rowing training had finally paid off.
Old ‘Ball Bag Flick’ retired only a few years later so his leniency towards my many school indiscretions left when he did.
Everyone has memories of their school teachers, good and bad. My memories of old ‘Ball-bag Flick’ Patterson were interesting and disturbing at the same time.
What are your fondest/strangest memories from your school days?
Thanks for reading.
