To reiterate what Hive account@tcpolymath says in regards to the Dutch Randstad Conurbation--certainly needs to be consistent capitalization. Also, upon first appearance, it would greatly benefit the reader for the word to be capitalized. Someone not familiar with the term will find better context. Furthermore, since I believe that is exactly the term you want to use, a descriptive sentence or two that would help define that particular word would help retain most readers. It's not a common usage term. I had to google it, and that broke the flow. Had you capitalized the word, I would have continued through context to ascertain the meaning, as opposed to Googling it. Forgive me if it already appeared in the first chapter--I read that weeks ago.

My next point: I like how you began the chapter with dialogue, and used that dialogue to explain the situation. Good use of Show vs Tell, but I believe you need to somehow fragment all that info into shorter exchanges. Stating that a character allows someone to rant a bit like that seem more like contrived writing than an organic conversation. It feels like you're cramming information, which I know I stated in Chapter 1, but I see this one element of style and craft as being the hardest obstacle to overcome in drafting sci-fi.

"It must all have sounded like the stuff from pre-war science fiction movies." Yes!!! Develop this kind of background more. I want cultural context. I like the sense of urgency, but I want some sort of light conflict to develop in the backdrop while all this is happening. hard to explain, but maybe in the form of alerts, telecommunication, an interweb, a broadcast, tangential nameless characters in the environment dealing with news of strangeness, bad weather, phenomena. Elements that will bring this universe into a whole to the readers. I know it's well imagined in your mind.

It should be evident that I'm commenting as I read, anytime there's a break in flow, or something I particularly like. So you begin to provide these elements in the next few paragraphs, and they're nicely done, but I felt as a reader it was a bit too late. That can be a matter of arrangement. The content is good. If it can be shifted around, it could help in that regard.

The flow definitely improves into the end. It becomes very compelling. I like the turn it's taking, and the elements of science being worked in. There isn't any work involved in following the imagination, and you're relaying the requisite background knowledge in a satisfying way. That's a success, as opposed to say the start when I was actively trying to follow your vision. That needs to be a passive experience. It should be automatic, or else it becomes labor vs entertainment.

Good work. I am intrigued. Your contest will surely end before I can return to this, but I'll likely to continue reading. Good luck with your final draft.