The scapegoat in the family is the one who gets attacked from every family member, because the narcissist directs them to. There are three types of children the narcissist creates in a family. Scapegoat, golden child and enabler. They each are given roles by the narcissist and each can become one of the others at anytime to fit a narcissist parents need for supply.
I hope you know what the supply is, it is the praise they get from friends, anger or hurt a narcissist inflicts upon their victims and getting others to do their dirty work. Anything chaotic is their supply, to feed their sick ego.
meh.com
Scapegoats are the most POWERFUL within the family! How can that be, when they are broken down their whole lives? Because the golden child and the enabler never seem to get well or healthy! They play their roles until the narcissist parent dies, the narcissist will keep them in their place with promises of money, usually.
But the scapegoat is usually the one to get out, get help, set boundaries or go no-contact. The scapegoat also is the one who has no problem pointing out the bullshit lies nor exposing the secrets. In a way, they are gatekeepers. So what is a scapegoat really?
#1 The child that is ALWAYS blamed for causing family problems.
#2 The scapegoat is told they are difficult.
#3 The child who expresses their feelings or rebels.
For those who didn't grow up in this dysfunctional environment, when the scapegoat tries to tell people what is happening, they are met with disbelief, horror and brushed off as "misunderstanding" or "not remembering correctly". This is exactly what the narcissist hopes will happen! After all, they appear to outsiders as the perfect parent, raising well behaved children and falsely appear to be a loving parent. They have also been slandering you behind your back your whole life so family will have one story, the narcs, and then yours. You are painting a picture of horror and they can't even imagine such a thing!
pinterest.com
I have my own list of why the scapegoat is powerful and how to take back control and be happy!!
#1 Scapegoats are the truth tellers!
Nothing is more threatening to a narcissist parent than the truth getting out about how awful they have treated their children...their entire lives!
#2 Only the scapegoat is healthy/strong enough to expose the narcissist!
Remember, the golden child & the enabler are too fearful of losing out on MONEY promised by the narcissist and therefore do not seek help or go no contact. The scapegoat was never going to get anything anyway, nothing to lose!
#3 The narcissist parent is jealous of the scapegoat!
Scapegoats are usually very creative, intelligent, courageous beings. We were forced to be, to survive. Scapegoats also have a ton of compassion & empathy for our fellow man. The scapegoat is everything the narcissist can NEVER be.
#4 Scapegoats are mentally strong!
So is the narcissist parent! Anything you've ever told them gets banked, to be played against you at a later date! But never forget how powerful YOU are!
#5 Scapegoats hold all the cards! You can chose not to play the game!
When the scapegoat walks, narcissist rage is waged against the scapegoat like no other time in history! BUT, you are the gatekeeper & the truth teller! Rage is all the narcissist parent has. Once you become bullet proof they can't hurt you.
pinterest.com
#6 We are lovable, we are important, we are not crazy.
All the things the narcissist parent tried to destroy in us has backfired. Instead of making a punching bag, they created a rock. Even more so if we have sought help and have went no-contact or low-contact.
#7 We know the jabs from the narcissist are THEIR insecurities. There is nothing wrong with the scapegoat!
All those insults, put-downs, criticisms are the narcissists feelings about themselves. This is a hard one to overcome because they get so personal in their attacks! Knowing this fact will help immensely to becoming bullet proof!
#8 YOU ARE LOVABLE & WORTHY OF RESPECT!
Years of emotional attacks can wear a person down! Loving ourselves, knowing we are important, demanding respect are easy to believe once you tell yourself, everyday, these things. Look in the mirror, tell that person they are important, they are lovable, they are worthy, they are to be respected.
#9 No contact is the best way to crush the narcissist parent & be happy!
Not only will people NOT understand how one can go no contact with a parent, they will almost look down upon you! How can you hurt your parent who is sick, elderly or helpless? This is our dilemma! Outsiders who had REAL LOVING parents can't fathom a parent being so evil to their children, that the children as adults walk away...forever. Not only will a narcissist parent slander you once you go no contact, but they will attempt to get extended family, friends, neighbors, co-workers even an employer to turn against you!
pinterest.com
Sounds crazy, right? We survivors know different. We know how they rage. We know how they discard. We know how they slander & lie. Scapegoats are the target that must be destroyed, lest we reveal all the horrible secrets in the closet. Embrace being the powerful one! Embrace being the gatekeeper! Embrace being strong enough to walk away! Embrace being YOU! You are loved, you are important!!
Thanks for reading! Upvote, resteem to help others and follow!