Narcissists need victims. Without victims, they are resolved to whither in their own shameful existence. So how do you know you are a victim? One of the tactics the narc will use that is easily identifiable is "put downs". While these may not seem obvious until you are aware of how they operate, I'll give you a few examples.
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You are given no acknowledgement of achievements. Example: If you put yourself through college, worked hard to accomplish this feat, you will get ZERO rewards from a narcissist. They won't give you a card, they won't show up at graduation, they won't have any comment on the new career you've just entered. Why? You are better than them. It will be especially true if the narcissist has zero college education and they are jealous! It's that simple! You are better than them so enjoy this empowerment, you're now way better than the narcissist and they can't stand it!
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Another example is to trash your looks. This could be anything from your clothing, your hair, weight or even a disability. Nothing is off limits to these evil people! Let's say you wear the same outfit to two different occasions and the narcissist happens to be present at both. They will try to shame you by saying something like this; "Is that your wedding outfit?" "Is that your Sunday suit?" One thing about narcissists, they don't want to wear the same thing twice if they have made such comments. They will be very covert in this comment, only YOU will hear it. Some really awful narcissists will make the comment in front of others if they especially hate you.
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When they body shame it will go like this; "It's not healthy to eat that." "Your boobs are all I notice in this picture." "Long hair is not appropriate for your age." "That shirt seems too tight." "Those shoes put your head in the clouds, how can you walk in them?" Once you know these are actual put downs, they become easier to spot so you can protect yourself. How you REACT is just as important in putting them in their place. Don't go on the attack! It feeds their supply! We want them to starve and give zero attention. Turning & walking away is the single most important thing you can do. Go happily talk with others and ignore the comment(s), ignore the narc, it will send them into a rage! How satisfying!
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Last example, when they question your intelligence. If you have ever tried to confront a narcissist on their rotten behavior or abuse of you, they will tell you; "That never happened" "You watch too much TV" "Where did you get that, from the internet?" Questioning your intelligence is a common tactic because you are on to them, they are being exposed for the evil they do and it's crushing to their ego! They can't be exposed EVER or they go into a rage and then the claws will come out, so be warned! Not only will they start the smear campaign against you, they may go as far as trying to get you arrested, locked up in a psycho ward, lose your job, lose friends & family or even hurt your credit rating. I am not kidding about these things so be aware of how dangerous they can be!
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How to thwart all of these things. First off, know you are being abused! No one deserves to be treated with such contempt! Love yourself for who you are! Post a note on your bathroom mirror that says "I Am Important" and say it to yourself daily until you mean it & believe it! Surround yourself with people who respect you, who love you, just the way you are. Treat everyone BUT the narcissist with kindness, respect, love & empathy, just as you deserve to be treated.
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If you were exposed to this as a child and the narc is a parent, go no contact. As drastic as it sounds, it is the only way. If you can't, go low contact. Never give personal information to anyone who talks to the narc! These are called "flying monkeys" and they will be used by the narcissist to find information out about you. Keep conversations about weather & THEM. Leave yourself as vague as possible.
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If a spouse is the abuser, get out of this unhealthy relationship! It will never get better. Set the bar much higher in relationships especially love relationships. Never tolerate any physical abuse from anyone. Once you know how narcissists operate, you can be free to pursue healthy relationships free of abuse. Remember "You are important."
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