I (religiously) know that I come to life to learn lessons, that we own nothing in this life. They come and go, and there are tests (come and go, too). Failed, you have to redo the tests, over and over, till you make sure to handle them effortlessly as you move on in life.
sunrise in a "pinkie beautie" morning <3
Around two years ago, I experienced this so-called mental health disorder "Depression". People around me thought of depression as imagination, and even I myself couldn't accept the fact that I got depression. I went to 7 or so different doctors and psychiatrists within a year. Nothing helped much.
I remember those days I was struggling with the shivers, the thrills, heart palpitations, the heavy chest, the sleeplessness vicious circle, eating disorder, random skin rashes here and there... and ALL the FEARS that reigned over me. All came at once. Everything acted up out of control. I hadn't reached out to anyone in my family because they didn't even believe it existed. I only insisted on their helping me out till the very last minute.
And, dad said, "Just release yourself, let it come and go". My dad was definitely not a Zen master but for the first time, he showed me the way to watch it come and go naturally, with a calm heart.
I wanted to let it go but...
me for a morning run with my best friend
I was panic all over, looking for any ideas that might help. I tried to do all the recommended things on the internet, but I ended up triggering even more conflicts from within. It came in waves, over and over, all day. Then I realized that I had to learn the lesson to brush it off, literally whatever came to my mind (again, with calmness).
Be patient, be brave
It takes time, so be patient. Do also accept that you have to be patient waiting for it to pass by. Believe in yourself that you can be yourself again, maybe even a better self in the future. The tip is to live your day to the fullest while waiting for it to move past. "Depression? No big deal. Be brave. Go out. Get to talk to people". Scared as hell, but you have a body that can at least do that (Leave your talkative mind be). Today is all that you've got.
It comes from within
Selena Gomez is a famous beautiful singer. She became an idol kid as she was only 12 years old. She was, too, depressed, repeatedly in and out of the rehabilitation center. Now, she's happy and balanced.
I feel her struggle deeply. Along these lines, I learned from her that my problems came from within. and I am, too, worthy of life. I learn to look at people from different angles to understand them, rather than judge a book by its cover.
Seeking help and keep believing
It would be a long process as well. Don’t expect it to heal overnight – up and around again after one or two visits to specialists. It will take time, probably more time than you think or less than your thoughts might fool you.
Never compare yourself with anyone else’s problems or recovery duration because everyone is different. It might take a person 6 months, or two years to overcome it, but for you, it might be less or more, I am not sure, we aren’t sure. Don’t waste your time looking for the results. The result is always there, but we haven't got the faintest idea where. Hold your firm belief and keep on pushing towards it.
For me, after all the medical treatments and practice, I realized that without myself learning to accept everything first, doctors might not help. It’s amazing if you are seeing a therapist/psychiatrist who is patient and supportive enough. If you’re still in trouble, don’t worry, you’ll be there soon. So give it a try anyway.
What you focus on, expands.
*I love the clouds
Stories have had a lasting impact on my thinking patterns. I read various personal stories shared around the internet. Some of them greatly inspired me. Some gave me lessons. Some, inversely, had given me negative ideas which I regretted reading altogether. Hehe. So, good positive stories from different people around the net are truly lifesavers. They might guide you through your worst days Learn to ignore the dramatic and gloomy advice.
No one should face mental health problems alone. Reach out for help but be careful, only keep in contact with people who are giving you positive advice, saying that you’ll be fine. If you are lucky to even talk with well-recovered people with depression in the past, that's great!
What you focus on, expands. That's true.
Add more (fun) activities to your day
Be happy. Be sad. Be lazy. Be active. Be a lover. Be a hater. These are all making you unique. There’s no point thinking against it. Accept yourself. Understand that you can’t "withdraw" all the negativity which has been forever rooted. But you can always add positivity to your life. Start doing something nice. For me, it was drawing, dancing, keeping a diary, eating delicious and pretty food, play with pets (I didn't have a pet but my friend did).
*My cool kid here. This must be the best pic of him. Hehe My friend loved him
Share
I wish I had shared my stories earlier but I really needed time.
Those days. my best friend asked me how I felt. I refused to tell her more because that scared the hell out of me only to mention what I went through emotionally. She said: "Don't worry, one day You'll feel safe enough to tell your stories, that's when you are healed".
She's right. Now I am kinda ready. And I am grateful to be able to share.
Your stories can also inspire me a lot. Can't wait to read more of yours.
Thank you,
Thuan