Although, I initially felt very frustrated about my girls dad just turning up once again without warning, I have decided to just not let it bother me. Well I am trying my best, to not let it bother me.

I will always put my girls wishes first and I would never stop them from seeing their dad, even though I felt like telling him that he couldn't see them unless he started to respect me and my boundaries. But that would just result in my girls being punished. He usually only comes for a few days, so they really don't have much time with him.

This time round, my two eldest they had already planned to go for a sleep over with their friends and because he just turned up, there was no time to re arrange and they both really wanted to go. So off the went, the day after he arrived. I hope that he now realizes how important it is for them to know when he is coming, but only time will tell.

At the end of the day, I have no control over what he does,but I can control how I react, to what he does.

So for now, I chose to just be flippant with him, to not engage with him unless I need to and to just get on with my daily life as though he is not here. I know that some may think that I should just fire love at him,to be the bidder person. But to be honest I am not at that stage yet. There is still too much pain and anger inside of me, that I am dealing with and I am not going to pretend I am something, I am not!

He is staying next door to me at my neighbours, as my neighbour rents out one of his rooms on Airbnb. Again something I have no control over.He really is too close for my liking,but again what can I do, I just have to get on with it for now.

Like I said already, it is up to me how I react. I could get anger, but then I would just be using up all of my energy and for what? I am pretty exhausted by the end of each day anyway, I really don't need to exhaust myself even more.

I am aware that in the past, I would get upset and lose my temper and watch in dismay, as he walked away with a smug look on his face. Like that was exactly what he came for, now, now I am giving him nothing.

Why should I, he doesn't listen to me, he just gets defensive, as do I and those same old destructive patterns come into play. So instead I hold my own. I hold onto my energy,onto my power.

I am protecting myself and because of that, these last few days have been much less stressful. I choose to focus instead, on all the things in my life that I am grateful for. I have amazing children, I am living exactly as I want to. For sure there are some things I would like to improve on, lots of jobs that need to be done in my home and on the land.

But that's okay, they will happen when they happen. I am bringing my energy back into myself and giving myself the time I need to heal,the time I need to move forward.

I just completed my abundance challenge and it has shown me so much, it really shone a light into the parts of me that I had closed off. It has been so freeing to just let those thoughts come to the surface, to recognize how much I have been holding myself back.