Who will I be in 2020?
This is what I am asking myself. Not thinking about what I want, but envisaging who I will be. Not even what I will be doing, just the whole of who I will be.
Throughout the year I have often come across signs or messages that have told me exactly what I needed to hear. Sometimes just one word, sometimes a post online or sometimes during a conversation with someone I know. I believe strongly in the power of observation and have let that guide me in my life, reading the signs in nature and the signs within myself.
Today I read a comment that someone wrote online about how healing is not about fixing us, as we are never broken, but that it is more about remembering that we are whole.
How perfect is that?
It really resonated with me, and got me thinking about how disempowered we can become when we associate ourselves with different terms. No matter what we go through in life, we are always ourselves, our whole selves. We can get lost, we can experience serve imbalance but we are still whole.
We have just forgotten who we really are, we have forgotten our true strength and the potential we all hold within. How disillusioned we can become, how so very far we can become deterred from our own path. Influenced by others and by our own insecurities.
I have described myself broken in the past, how the many pieces of me lay scattered upon the floor. But those pieces are what make me whole and I never lost them. I just needed to embrace them, honour them and breathe life back into them.
To take the time to sit with myself and let myself feel, all the pain that has come to me this past year, fresh and deep rooted. I did not dumb it down in any way, I allowed my natural self to feel and process it all.
So many of us have been through some really tough times of late, things that have shook us to the core. But in doing so, have also brought us closer to who we really are. Helping us remember who we are and how strong and capable we are to navigate these turbulent waters.
On this, the last evening of 2019, we are all still here, we have now been transformed within the crushing force of our experiences. Our remembrance transforming us, making us whole.
So who do I want to be in 2020, myself. I am already who I wish to be, I have just spend the last few years remembering who that is. Connecting with my inner strength and healing myself from all the past hurts I have experienced.