A little background

Hey guys, happy to be here:) just joined and I'm new to this whole blogging thing so bear with me🐻💓. My life experiences have varied a lot in my 20 some odd years. I've always been pretty shy and had a hard time connecting with peers, so I found solace in art, music, and writing (creative, poetry, and memoirs). I also have always really loved Asian culture so I started teaching myself Chinese as a preteen and after 6 years of studying was fortunate enough to live in Taiwan as an exchange student my senior year of high school.

I was convinced I had always just felt a disconnect because deep down I was meant to live in a different place/culture. To my misfortune, I found I brought my issues with me and the panic attacks over there forced me to withdraw further and further into myself as I simultaneously developed such a severe eating disorder that, at 75 pounds, I was forced to end my exchange before the year was through. That was just my first near death experience and that happened as an 18 year old.

I continued struggling when I returned home and was met with even more depression and anxiety over ruining the dream I had worked 6 years for and worked 4 different odd jobs and a retail job to make happen. I met the wrong people, fell into my first abusive relationship, and when it ended found the only way to cope with the cumulative depression and suicidal thoughts was to escape with various substances (which previously I had no clue about having grown up with a religious upbringing). It would take a few years to overcome the still ravaging eating disorder and going in and out of treatment to get off drugs for good.

I worked about 20 different jobs in that time, had a bout of homelessness, dealt with a physically and emotionally abusive marriage, was brought back to life from a handful of overdoses and separate suicide attempts, and through it all really leaned on art and music to get me through. I've written my best songs when life was at its worst, and I'm a firm believer that it really touches people in a different way when music is written from intense human experiences like that.

Music: how I got started

As I already touched on a little, music has always been so much more to me than something to listen to. It has been something that has gotten me through the worst experiences I've ever had, given me purpose, given me connection with the rest of the world, and something I do out of absolute necessity. The first real songs I wrote were from 11 or 12 on when I began really struggling with my social anxiety and wondering what was wrong with me...because everyone around me seemed without a care in the world, and here I was wondering why I couldn't see past the cloud over my head.

I wrote my first songs just with a guitar or piano, and they helped me with the gut-wrenching pain of being seemingly invisible, pointless, rejected, and the like. I sometimes wrote to the person and people who caused me pain, and sometimes I wrote the songs as direct questions to God; asking why everything in life just seemed so wrong and painful. I also wrote when I was head over heals and words just didn't seem to allow me to experience that emotion to the fullest extent like I could by writing a song about it.

My first musical influences and ones I do still admire today were mostly the folk singers of the 60's/70's.... think Joni Mitchell, Cat Stevens, Bread, Jim Croce, and Crosby, Stills & Nash.

Music: what I currently do

So for a few years after the various trauma I battled as an 18 year old, I would still write music just with a guitar, but because I was working so hard just to be "normal" I didn't get anywhere near my actual goals of getting my music out there on a wider scale. I knew that songs I wrote could really mean something to people and I wanted more than anything to make make the music easily accessible to everyone, but I had no clue how. Fast forward, three years ago I finally laid to rest all of the issues previously plaguing me so I could freely concentrate on music.

I then began learning how to use music engineering software at home, and although learning some of the software was challenging, I've been genuinely grateful at the fast progress within those three years to where I'm at now with my music. I've picked up more and more music influences in that time, currently really vibing on the lofi beat and dramatic, the dissension and resolution of jazz, and beautiful chord progressions akin to Tame Impala. At heart, I'm still a simple folk singer that writes from the soul because I simply must. Everyone has ways to cope when they're overwhelmed with emotions/life, but for me, it will always be music. When I find I'm so caught up in something that I can't even think, that's when songs come to me.

I write, sing, record, and master everything by myself using music producing software at home. I have a song with an independent music label, and....my social anxiety makes promotion extremely challenging for me. I'm glad I feel a lot more comfortable on my own sharing all my 100% owned songs on here because everyone has already been so kind and receptive. :) I hope to keep sharing songs people can enjoy and whatever else you'd like to know about me with my new Hive community.

Goals

Truly, my hope has always been to dive as deep into the passion I have for music as I can and produce songs that really touch people in ways they both needed and never knew possible. I still have really bad socially anxiety, but when I create songs that people openly resonate with, it fills my heart and gives more connection to people and the world than any other kind of interaction for me. As far as all the issues I've had to face, I find they were are worth it if I can create music that truly helps people struggling with the same or similar problems. I don't count myself a victim; I count myself a very grateful and lucky human being to have all the problems I've had and make it out on the other side....not only to help anyone else struggling, but also to go on to live my dream by creating and sharing my songs. :)

Outro

So thanks so much for getting through all that! 😅 Like I said I'm still new and it's hard for me to know exactly what to say or how to say it. There's a lot of other kind of details I didn't touch on but am always willing and open to all questions, comments, or suggestions! :) Have an awesome day, guys! and I'll keep on putting songs on here that you all hopefully enjoy❤️