I prepared for my Bingo night by going to the shop and purchasing some adult diapers, I waited for the dentist across the road to leave the offices and since I am buds with the assistant I get Nitrous Oxide on the cheap from her. She did seem a bit perplexed as to why the diapers and probably figured it would be a shit story, so did not ask.


My diapers under one arm and the nitro being pulled behind me, I popped into the chemist and got a mask since no one was to know it is nitro, instead since I will be playing with an older crowd I figured they might like some oxygen. 😉


All dressed and ready to go, having to choose more loose pants so I can also wear my diapers. I thought back that why I never just wore them at school also, putting my burning ass out of mind I take my nitrous, rebranded with sharpie to be oxygen and headed to the bingo hall, one person gave my oxygen an odd look and made a little come-hither gesture with their hand before abruptly giving a slight gasp and passing out, will check on them at the end of the night though.


I found a nice spot to sit in a pretty packed section and this suited me just fine, whispering to the person next to me that if they felt a bit sleepy or needed a boost I don't mind if they use my oxygen, the old lady nodded in acceptance and I knew soon all the old people will know, ah my plan will work beautifully.


The announcer was a bit late which suited me just fine, must have been the laxative I gave him the night before, but I don't like to speculate and will instead use the opportunity to put things into motion, so I yawn. a Great big yawn.


Here comes the first junkie for some "oxygen" but I won't judge we can't all be happy with what we have. The announcer breaks through the doors in a rush and gets to his post, little sweaty and something brown that he just wiped off on his shirt but all in all looking excited or is that antsy, again I don't speculate.


As the evening slowly progresses and bingo things get called and sighs get heard, I have lost track of my nitrous, which is a good thing, I hear the crowd getting a bit louder and louder, just a little happier.


To cut a long story short this is how I won Bingo :

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Asapers got so focused on choosing 3 people with promising cards they forgot they had a great card themselves, one of the people they had an eye on was Tawasi but he also had better things to do other than worry about whether he might get bingo since a boy in blue walked in and got some cash from the announcer, now I am not saying the cops are running a protection racket but I will say they have tennis rackets with the words protection on them.

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I glanced to my right and was instantly blinded by a flash, Bluefinstudio has figured that it is a great time to take everyone's photo and sell it back to them as they leave, which I always find a bit odd since I have a mirror, I guessed they just forgot theirs at home at home. Artemisnorth could have followed suit but instead of making bank with a group shot for the day created a little group of people who were knitting what seemed to be cock warmers or just the big toe part on a sock? I don't wear funky hippy toe sock thingies so I would not know.

this text says the other text is fat

Cryptoriddler was playing riddle me this with whomever would listen by setting their bingo cards on fire, now he insists this was a riddle I just think it has to do with his recent fireworks obsession, one card that got burnt belonged to Simgirl and had a new story written on the back, he thought it was fine since it took her only 5 minutes to make but I knew here comes a slap since that was 5 minutes of inspiration, my balls hurt just thinking about it.

this text wants the other text to know that they should love themselves

I scanned the room lazily with a grin on my face, no one was trying to even fill in their cards all preoccupied and some seemed to have found their own containers to put some nitro in and HODL, speaking of Edicted was speaking in tongues and very few could make sense of it, I recognized it as Crypto Tourettes since he was randomly screaming out "HODL, FUD and FOMO". Mineopoly enjoyed the outbursts from Edicted, scribbling away on the back of his bingo card, I guessed maybe a funny story but from the pensive look it is was probably just a diagnosis poem.



Andysantics48 used her card to draw the other 47 Andys' on a hill because she rocked hills but in the end kind of just kept the hill since no one really likes the other 47, Monchhichi was explaining to Andysantics48 that the double "H" in her name was not a mistake although no one asked and most discounted it as a ramble.

this text does not care about any of that shit it is just here

Goldendawne has not made any marks on her card as she was first busy making a diy marker not realizing that blood works just fine and the only problem I ever had with blood as a marker was when leaving it behind at what later is considered a crime scene, which according to Dreemsteem it was after she has inspected everyone's eyes and could not find her fireflies. Tamala was in a heated debate with Reformedpirate on the nutritional value of unconventionally acquired foods, not having an issue with where they got it but whether it contained gluten.

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All this was happening and much more, I lost track of my nitro but knew that I was close to bingo, no one had kept track of their cards at all so I could just wait it out until I won. I kicked supernovastaffy off my leg as he was humping it, got up and yelled BINGO.

What about the diapers?

Well I kind of initially mixed up the drink with laxatives that I gave the announcer with my own, realized the folly and am happy to report he got a much bigger dose than I did.

What about profile x ?

You know the person looking for oxygen in the beginning? Well, their funeral is next week and they will be greatly missed.

Also, I totally did not make a long story short in fact I made it longer, what are you going to do? Call the story police?
Guess what will happen, the cops will just spin you a story and never get around to the case, in the end they told you a much longer story and classified your case as a fiction. So go ahead, feeling lucky punk?