My timeline now tells me I have been inactive on Steemit for 5 months.
I have tried to post something a few times but either ended up distracted or just had no motivation to complete what ever I started. Writing became a chore - and not the regular 'trash or laundry duty' kind - the kind that takes constant effort yet is never fully complete.
Writing feels like trying to keep a glass table spotless.... with toddlers and dogs around.
What's the point?
My non-existent internet connection feeds my apathetic approach - if I can't quickly find a open network I save myself the aggravation and just close my laptop.
The lack of motivation has begun to irk me though. Hence the post I'm writing now.
Maybe I will actually finish this one.
Lately, I have been ruminating on my life's purpose more than usual.
My minuscule existence is such an oxymoron that I feel compelled to wonder more, what is the end game of this life?
I don't know if oxymoron is really the "correct" description but it feels fitting to me.
I have a life full of love and I have an important role to fulfill as a mother of two boys and perhaps that is my main purpose. I love teaching and guiding my boys. I have full confidence that I am raising boys who will grow into respectful, good men who think for themselves and stand firm on their morals. This is a job of utmost importance because it shapes lives directly. In its essence it is the most important job in the world aka my world because all the world is (to me) is the one in which I am the star.
This is the oxymoron I am trying to get at. The world is such a huge place, full of billions of people (or so we're told LOL) it is so much more than my small corner. Yet the world to me IS my small corner, and its all it will ever be. So why should I be concerned with "changing the world" or making an impact on "the world" when all the world will ever be is right in front of me?
Yet I have this nagging ache to "change the world", to help people outside my small corner or to make a difference in the world. Yet I technically do that every day in the most important way.
I anticipate opportunities as my purpose shifts when my kids out grow me and I have been reminding myself to cherish these days. I try to stay present in each moment and enjoy it. I must say it works (for me at least.) The days pass by quicker than ever. Before I even realize it I am preparing lunches for tomorrow and setting up the coffee pot for the morning. It sounds humdrum and monotonous, but it's not. Each day is unique and contains its own little surprises; the good and the bad. But the days roll on.
I haven't had much time for my own creative hobbies but I also have not made time for them. If I had the inspiration or motivation I could easily carve out some time.
I go through seasons. I am thawing out, I think.
I titled this one my minuscule existence - like a play on words - a joke, The Joke I think.
It reflects this oxymoron, mirroring feeling I have been working through. As above so below.
I will have to think on it more because I know I'm only skimming the surface on this. I can feel there is some kind of depth in this concept yet I can't put words to it.
If you took the time to read this ramble, I thank you. I hope to write more in the future - once I decide which topic might spark my interest.
(Yes, 
