In honour of the just concluded International Women’s Day in which I appreciate all positive women in my Life, but I still need to drop my point of view on this trending matter #WifeNotCook.
I am of course prepared for any criticism this post will encounter, but I spark a debate by implying “real women know how to cook.” I stand here to say that Wives/Ladies who don’t know how to cook are Lazy personified which is why I wrote this with very strong convictions and reasons both biblical and societal.
I find it very irresponsible that some women go to the salon or visit friends for a whole Sunday to gossip and cannot find time to prepare those Meals that can make a Man Sneak From A Football Match Just For A Bite.
You will agree with me that there are women over 19 who do not know how to prepare Good Meals, but can dance to different kinds of music in clubs. I mean, a Woman Should Learn How To Cook Before She Can Taste Alcohol Or Bend Over In Clubs.
The bigger scandal is that women born after 1980 cannot prepare proper meals to sustain a marriage. Now we have a generation of men who will never know the healthy and spiritual benefits of a proper homemade meal.
Back in the day, women were expected to know how to cook. We can thank the almighty social media for exposing us to the over sharing of personal information. I have witnessed women brag about not knowing how to cook. And some of them take pride in being modern women who went on to obtain “DEGREES” instead of learning to bake. I've also been no stranger to bearing witness to full-blown debates between women who could cook versus the women who couldn't.
Lets Get Back To History
At least one common cause of the housework gap can be traced back to childhood chores. A variety of studies have found that girls are asked to do more work around the house than boys. One study found that girls did two more hours of chores a week while boys got twice as much time to play. This dynamic carries a lesson for both genders: girls learn that housework falls on their shoulders, and boys learn that girls will clean up after them.
Biblically
It is indeed true that most religious and traditional doctrines stipulate that the man is head of the family and the woman should be submissive. But we both know domestic laziness does not make the man head, just as ability and willingness to cook does not make the woman submissive.
Anyone who eats should be able and willing to cook. It’s only fair that way.
Pastor Adeboye said to rapturous applause.
"Don't marry a woman who can't cook," "A girl who cannot cook will not be a good wife."
Same way "Don't marry a man who has no job…A man is to provide for the house, not the other way around."
What Does It Mean To Be A Woman?
Being a woman is more than biology, and maybe it even goes beyond critically looking at gender as a social construct.
A Lazy Wife - Wives Not Cooking & Doing Domestic Chores Is A Sin of LAZINESS
You come home from work to find piled up dishes from dinner the night before. Clothes are everywhere and nothing in the house has seemed to move while you were gone – including your wife. Your wife says “Honey I don’t feel like cooking – how about you run and get us some takeout?”
While both genders struggle with all types of sins including LAZINESS there are some sins that are more prominent in one gender over the other. For instance men often struggle with having a lack of empathy, grace and mercy in their personal relationships including their relationships with their wives and children. But on the other hand, one of the greatest struggles for many women is the struggle against the sin of laziness.
The reason for this is because women can often times allow themselves to be completely controlled by their emotions. For many women if they feel like doing something then they do it and if they don’t feel like doing something then they don’t do it whereas most men are creatures of duty so whether they feel like doing something or not men will do their duty.
Imagine that your son or daughter left their bed a mess and left toys and clothes all over their room. Would you go in and make their bed and clean up their clothes and toys? If you did this would this be showing your child kindness, empathy, grace and mercy? I think we could answer this question with a resounding “no”.
Why? Because if we go and clean up their room we are not teaching them that it is THEIR responsibility to clean their room. We are in essence enabling the sin of laziness in our children when we allow them to keep their rooms messy.
But somehow our modern culture has a different standard when it comes to a woman keeping her home which is something the Bible clearly commands:
“4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” – Titus 2:4-6 (KJV)
“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” – I Timothy 5:14 (KJV)
The Bible says
“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church” (Ephesians 5:23) and Christ tells us regarding his churches that “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.” (Revelation 3:19).
PLEASE NOTE - Disability Is Not The Same As Laziness
Now I need to stop here and give the obvious exceptions. If your wife is sick or somehow physically unable to keep up with the affairs of the home then this is not a matter of laziness on her part but rather the inability to do these things. In this case God has called us as husbands to lovingly step in and aid our wives.
Traits of a Godly Wife
A Godly Woman Always Seeks to be Modest in Her Dress - Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent. (NIV). (Proverbs 7:10)
A Godly Woman Always Seeks to be Holy in Her Conduct - Come, let's drink deep of love till morning; let's enjoy ourselves with love! My husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey… (Proverbs 7:18 - 29, NIV)
A Godly Woman Seeks to Care for the Home - She seeks wool and flax, And willingly works with her hands. (Proverbs 31:13, NKJV) She manages her home well (Titus 2:5.) She loves to tangibly serve others with food and skills. She has a home that is open and hospitable and she is given to ministry to the sick and needy and less fortunate.
A Godly Woman Seeks to Serve Others - She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household, and a portion for her maidservants. She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. (Proverbs 31:15, 20, NKJV) She has learned the love of Christ for others.
A Godly Woman Strives to be a Person Who Can be Trusted - The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:11-16).
A Godly Woman Seeks to be Prudent in Financial Matters - She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard. She makes linen garments and sells [them,] and supplies sashes for the merchants. (Proverbs 31:16, 24, NKJV) She is a saver not a spender. She can see beyond today alone.
A Godly Woman Seeks to be a Hard Worker - She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms. She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hand holds the spindle. (Proverbs 31:17,19, NKJV) God puts a premium on hard work and so she moves toward it not away. There is no slothfulness, indolence or lack of motivation.
A Godly Woman Seeks to Do the Right Thing and Have a Good Reputation - Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. (Proverbs 31:23)
The level of laziness and dearth of creativity is not only annoying, but quite unsettling.
Even worse, the number of women who know how to cook proper meals is on a sharp decline. We now have a generation of millennials who know how to mix their liquor punch better than brewing good tea for breakfast. Just about the only other thing they know how to dish out is fruit salad (in which case three-quarters of it will be watermelon and paw-paw, which are really terrible fruits).
Now, the only place the newly-married man can go for a proper meal is at his mothers or his favorite aunt’s place. That is where his best meals are served, yet he is married, pays rent and even has children. #Ojoka #GodForbid
I find it very irresponsible that some women go to the salon or visit friends for a whole Sunday to gossip and cannot find time to prepare those Meals that can make a man Sneak From A Football Match Just For A Bite.
Now to Men;
There are many POTENTIAL reasons that might lead to Wives Not Cooking. What doesn't change is how you could be handling this. Start picking up some of the slack. Take over dish duty and vacuuming. It sounds like she usually exclusively takes care of all domestic duties, but you are a partnership.
SHE IS YOUR WIFE, NOT YOUR MOTHER. You bear some responsibility in helping keep a tidy home, and food to eat. If she is Choosing To Strike, showing her you notice and care will make a difference. If she is depressed, showing her you appreciate and care for her will make a difference. If she is ill, showing her you care for her and can pick up the slack will make a difference.
Thanks
I remain
Frank Susu Okafor