NEW YORK, NY– In a joined effort with the SEC, the United States Government banned exchanges on Monday after discovering that many idiots invest in scams and then complain for losing their money.
"The loss of capital is inconceivable," SEC president said yesterday. "For years, many have invested in cryptocurrencies without a problem. But then retards started coming for quick money and started ruining it for everybody else. So now we have to regulate the whole thing because these idiots lost everything."
"My girlfriend won't let me invest in cryptocurrencies because most idiots invest in ponzies," said 18-year-old Malcom. "I used to invest in promising projects and go long on Bitcoin. But now I'll never have the chance to invest again, all because these idiot gamblers flooded the market."
Cryptocurrency markets experience a halt as many more of these idiots continue to gamble their money away in hope that they will have crazy returns. Even if they are older than 18 year olds and most went through high school math, they continue to have very little understanding of statistics and basic economics.
The government is also considering halting voting rights, driving licences and reproductive privileges since most of these idiots can barely demonstrate any intellectual ability when it comes to living in a society.
