In the morning of Amsterdam, the director of the Vincent Van Gogh Museum, Dr. Robbin Arjen, gave an exclusive interview to TNFT to discuss an important finding carried out by a team of archaeologists and art historians of the museum. Great was the surprise when, digging in the garden of Daubigny, which Vincent frequently visited during his stay in Auvers-sur-Oise, they found an ancient chest containing, among other things, a notebook that could have belonged to Vincent Van Gogh.
- What was in the chest?
A lot of things: letters, sketches, brushes, even a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle. But without doubt the most valuable thing is the notebook. We are now working to rescue as much information as we can, but it is a very difficult task.
- Due to the passage of time and extreme humidity conditions inside the chest?
Not at all. The problem is that Vincent, perhaps because of his welll known madness, was a fan of Windows 8, which makes us stumble constantly with blue screens of death and stuff like that. Anyway, we are making progress.
What have you been able to rescue?
We have managed to rescue the Twitter account of Vincent Van Gogh, which consists of 7892 tweets and 1 retweet.
Why only 1 retweet?
Apparently the 3G service was very expensive and limited in the year 1885, so it is logical to assume that Vincent preferred to use it to spam his own works, rather than others.
What is the historical significance of this finding?
Vincent's Twitter account is very important because it allows us to elucidate a hitherto unexplained mystery: the cutting off of his ear. Due to our study of the tweets, we can postulate that Vincent would have cut his ear because of a bet he made on Twitter. He tweeted that his paintings were going "to the moon", got caught in some heavy trolling and counter trolling, and eventually decided to gamble his ear on his beliefs. Unfortunately, his paintings never managed to reach the 500k moon during his lifetime.
This whole story may sound strikingly similar, by the way, to the one recently starred by John McAfee.
What about the old theory, the 3Ts?
Thanks to this finding, we have ruled out the 3Ts theory (Time Traveler Tyson) which, until a few days ago, enjoyed a high acceptance among scholars.
What about the national television reference?
It is really difficult to explain, because there was no television in that times. We believe it may have been some some kind of dizziness induced lapsus, like Donald Trump's "covfefe". With the particularity that this random assortment of letters, by pure chance, turned out to signify something a lot of years later. Who knows, maybe "covfefe" will mean something in the future (laughs)... (shouting) Maybe it is the word people will use in the year 2094 to refer to sexual encounters with holographic children to avoid pedophilia charges! (awkward silence)
The Time Traveler Tyson Theory, now rejected.