This little cunt is going to cost you lot a fucking fortune, so stop slacking plebs
My government is delighted to announce a new senior member of the Royal Family. Subjects, I present to you the latest addition to the Royal line, who comes fully loaded with a plethora of genetic disorders, and who will be encouraged to grow up learning important Regal things, like how to mutilate foxes, and assassinate his mum when her MK Ultra mindfucking wears off and she fucks off and shags a Meat Packer from the Wirral.
Little Louis is named after his great-uncle, Lord Louis Mountbatten, who was ever so sadly blown up by the IRA in 1979.
Dear old Mountbatten, now there was a proper man, one who knew how to murder Indians, fuck up WW2 operations, and fiddle with 9-year-old boys in residential care. Proper gentleman he was, and a great British Icon.
This latest addition to the Saxe-Coburg-Goethe brood is a wonderful distraction for me this week, and I will be using it to quietly pass a number of special bills I've been meaning to sneak past that stupid fucking Socialist cunt Corbyn, things like chasing poor black families out of my constituency by dipping them in hot bovril and giving them 10 minutes head start before releasing 500 Dobermans.
Now. You get ten minutes off to fawn over Sky News and say shit stupid things like "Ooh, he looks ever so regal, Gawd bless the Queen" and doff your cap, like a grovelling nineteenth century spastic, then you'd better get your fat lazy arses back work because you've just been mortgaged to fuck by this kid, which is really funny.
And don't forget to vote Conservative in the upcoming by-elections. We really are very nice.