I have been reflecting on the past year and the surreal ride that it has been, I have been really hard on myself for "not achieving enough". But then I asked myself, what is enough? Ok, I didn't "make as much money as I'd have liked", I wanted certain things to "move faster", but what is the rush?
I have taken too many things for granted in my life, as I'm sure most of us have.
Back in June 2016, I smoked changa in a temple here in the UK, the location of which I shall not disclose. The trip was intense, to say the least, it was like being thrown into the depths of all of my ayahuasca experiences to the point I almost purged. The vision, however, was remarkable, I saw an embryo developing inside a womb from an inner body perspective. As anybody who has smoked DMT can understand, I couldn't fully make sense of it all at the time. As I came back from the experience, I felt a profound sense of déjà vu.
Fast forward to April this year (2017) and my partner (Marie) and I were chilling at home one evening, listening to music, (produced by the same shaman who facilitated my experience back in 2016), unexpectedly, she tells me that she is pregnant. My reaction was one of both complete astonishment and joy, as we were both not expecting this at all. Of course, we have decided to keep the baby (he is due on January 11th 2018).
Since finding out that I'm going to be a father, it has propelled me to "get my shit together" more than ever, and start taking my work more seriously, focusing more on what I can do to make a better world for my child to grow up in. I have wasted too much of my time and potential over recent years and I forgive myself for that now, but as I transition into fatherhood and the New Year, I hope that I can take the lessons of the past and push myself, making the necessary sacrifices that my parents made for me to enjoy the life I have been able to enjoy.
Whilst I fully accept that I could have "done more" this year, I know that I needed some time out, to heal myself and to find my path again after some painful setbacks. I wish to go into this new year, more grateful, more humble and more patient. I want to write more on Steemit in 2018 and I look forward to whatever unfolds in these incredible times!
Thanks for reading <3 Howard