How to Be a Good Friend
Being a good friend isn't always easy, but taking the time to nurture a lasting friendship is worth every ounce of effort. Cultivating meaningful and lasting friendships enrich life immensely. Good friendships provide us strength, happiness, and meaning in ways that social media or striving for popularity cannot. All true friendships are built on mutual trust and support. So whether you’re looking to make new, quality friendships or improve your existing ones, there are mindsets that you can adopt and actions that you can take to be a good friend to others.
Part One of Four:
Being Trustworthy
1
Keep your promises. Don't ever make a promise that you can't keep -- or at least don't make a habit of it. If you say you'll hang out with a friend and a legitimate conflict arises, explain the situation and trust that the friendship is strong enough for the no's as well as the yes's. If you just cannot go, give your friend a gift and tell him or her sorry. Nobody's perfect, and it's okay if you skip out on a promise once in a blue moon, but don't make it a regular thing. If this is recurring over time then you will probably be seen as not trustworthy as you can not be trusted to be committed to someone such as your friend.
When you make a serious promise, look at your friend in the eyes and speak slowly to show that you really mean it instead of just saying it because you think that you should. Do not break any such promise, as that will hurt your friend.It might even break your friendship!
If you're not sure you can do something, don't agree to do it and flake out later. Instead, be honest about the fact that you're not sure if you can make it.
Your friends should always feel like they can count on you, even when the going gets tough. If you're only there for the fun times, you'll be no more than a fair-weather friend.
3
Apologize when you've made a mistake. If you want your friends to trust you, then you can't act like you're flawless. If you know you've made a mistake, own up to it instead of being in denial. Though your friends won't be happy that you made a mistake, they'll be very pleased that you're mature and grounded enough to admit it instead of just pretending that nothing is wrong, or worse -- blaming it on someone else.
When you say sorry, you should mean it. Let your friends hear the sincerity in your voice instead of thinking that you don't really care how they feel.
4
Be honest. If you want to be a good friend and to have people trust you, then you have to be honest about your feelings, about your friends' actions, and about how you feel about your friendship. If you're honest about how you feel, that will open up direct lines of communication with your friends and will make them more likely to open up to you. If your friend hurt you, don't be afraid to talk about it; if something is upsetting you, don't feel too shy to open up to your friend about it.
Being honest is different from being so blunt that you're hurting your friends. If you think your friend has a drinking problem, for example, then you owe it to your friend to start a conversation about it. But if you think your friend looks kind of weird in her new dress, you may want to keep your mouth shut.
Be real. Connect with people whom you value on a deep level if you want to have sustainable, long-term friendships. Invest in people you can be yourself around. If your behavior lacks sincerity, your friendship won't last.
5
Don't use people. If one of your friends suspects that you're just using them, then they'll drop you like a hot potato. Good friendships don't arise from hoping someone else's popularity or networks will rub off on you. If you're trying to be friends with a person just to be accepted into a certain clique, that's not friendship – it's opportunism – and eventually the shallow nature of your involvement will reveal itself.
And if you have a reputation of using people, then new people won't be too excited to start a friendship with you.
A friendship is about give and take. Sure, it may be really convenient that one of your friends gives you a ride to school every day, but make sure that you do something for that friend in return.
6
Be loyal. If your friend tells you something in confidence, keep it and don't talk about it with anyone else, just as you'd expect your friend to do for you. Don't discuss your friend behind his or her back, and don't spread rumors about the confidences they've imparted to you. Never say anything about your friend that you would not be prepared to repeat to their face. Be loyal to your true friends and be prepared to defend them if your new friends, or people you barely know, start gossiping about them.
Part of being loyal is understanding the importance of a long-lasting and stable friendship. Don't throw all that away just to spend all your time hanging out with your new boyfriend or girlfriend or a cool new person you just met.
If you have a reputation for being a blabbermouth or a gossip, then your friends will quickly find out and they'll be hesitant to reveal anything personal to you in the future -- or even to spend much time with you at all.
Don't let others say bad things about your friend, either. Until you've had a chance to hear your friend's side of the story, treat comments that are not supportive as hearsay and rumors. If someone says something that shocks you and doesn't seem like a thing your friend would do or say, then respond with something like, "I know him/her, and that just doesn't sound right. Let me talk to him/her; find out his/her perspective on this. Until then, I would appreciate it if you didn't spread that around."
7
Be respectful. Good friends show respect for each other by being openly and mutually supportive. If your friend has certain values and beliefs that don't align with your own, respect his or her choices and be open to hearing more about them. If you want your friend to trust you, then your friend should feel comfortable voicing opinions that you may not agree with, or discussing a new perspective with you. If your friend thinks that you'll shoot down any interesting or original idea that he or she may have, then your friendship won't be valued.
Sometimes your friend will say things that you find boring, uncomfortable or annoying, but if you have respect for your friend, you'll give your friend the space to speak, and to do so without judgment.
During times when you don't see eye to eye with your friend, disagree respectfully and be willing to see things differently.