I told her I would love to meet her. She said she would love to meet me too. But when she came eventually, she came with her friend. It was seven forty in the evening, and I had waited for her at the junction of Akpodiete street. When they got down from the bike, auntie came to collect bike fare from me. Common eighty naira she could not pay. It was auntie's friend that even came to collect it. While I dipped my hands in my pocket, she just stood there shaking her waist lackadaisically, as if I was owing her. ..I had great plans for auntie, but since she came with her friend, I phoned my old boy Ojonjee.
Ojonjee lives actively with his parents, and since they lived just across the road, I took auntie and her friend to his place. Auntie was a bit dismayed and perhaps disenchanted that a guy as fluent in English over the phone would stoop to making such an absurd arrangement.
"ah! Prosper you come today?" Ojonjee's mom trilled, rubbing my back with her hands.
"yes ma. I say make I visit ona today", I replied.
Moments later she scuffed away to the room, and soon it was ojonjee's father exchanging pleasantries.
"abeg shook hand under that chair make you bring the plantain wey dey there", he said.
Auntie was shy and angry as she bent down to bring the bunch of plantain underneath the chair.
Only, I had underestimated Ojonjee. He is a good guy and didn't like the game I was playing. He called me and to one corner, and said he would like to give me a little surprise. As long as it would make auntie and her friend miserable, I was up for it.
Except Ojonjee took us to a bar and bought two bottles of malt and a mountain load of suya for auntie and her friend. You should have seen the way they were eating the suya like they were paid to act as miserable sisters in a Nollywood movie. Chattering away at some fights amongst two cult gangs they were affiliated with. It felt like they wanted to scare me, make me sit down and be humble.
"Ehen wetin be the name na?" Ojonjee asked, staring at auntie's friend.
Auntie's friend did not reply. She kept at her loud discussion with auntie. They jeered, tapped one another, exchanged flamboyant glances, ignored Ojonjee.
Ojonjee looked at me, surprised, and a bit amused.
"hello babes what's the name?"
Ojonjee decided to switch to English, and still no show. Werrin man go do? If he couldn't elicit a response from such a simple question as 'what's your name, which question would they even answer?
Well, I wasn't having it, I snatched the two bottles of malt and threw them on the floor. Auntie was holding on to the suya. But there was something she saw in my eyes. Something minatory. She handed the suya over, and I chewed away, scuffing away from the bar, and whistling to myself.
Ojonjee still paid their fares. Ojonjee is a nice guy.
